I feel very alone today. Partially my own fault, of course. Thoughts of that boy I fell for came up yesterday and I couldn't resist looking him up on facebook last night.
And, of course, I looked straight into the pictures of him with his new girlfriend, happy and living his dream.
On the one hand, I'm so glad he's happy. On the other, I hate that he couldn't be happy with me. Is there something wrong with me that I can't find that special someone?
And then I logged onto my new fictionpress account to see if anyone had read the 2 poems I posted yesterday. Only 1 of them had a review. It was a good review, but still. It felt as though my goal to become a better writer and get people to read my work was utterly unattainable.
Plus, no one commented on my blog recently. Mark usually does so, and I have to say, he's probably the only reason I've been able to keep a lot of this going. I need help from other people to stay strong, whether I like it or not.
I even put myself out yesterday and visited a whole bunch of other sites. I commented, I followed, and I spent time working on this whole blog follower thing.
Still no follows or comments. :( My picture looks so lonely and sad sitting on that list all by itself.
I apologize if I sound all whiny. But I feel like whining a little today. My ego took a real beating over the last 2 days, and now I just want to go to sleep and forget all about this life change thing. My life held less disappointment in it when I wasn't trying all new things all the time.
Of course, it also held far less success.
And I know that. Logically speaking, anyway. But my emotional brain is urging me to call it quits right now, because it doesn't like this pain I'm feeling. It sucks when 2 parts of your own mind are fighting against each other. And it's exhausting.
Well, I'm not calling it quits. But I am going to go to sleep and see if tomorrow could be a better day than today was. Good night, everybody, and I hope you're feeling far less lonely than I am tonight.
I don't comment on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. I used to blog every day but when I stepped up my writing I had to make sacrifices like that. I will always comment on every other day though.
ReplyDeleteYou're making steps by putting yourself out there but much like other things, these things take time. If I had to recommend people to go to, it would be the ones who comment on my posts. They're few but they're extremely nice and almost always get back to you.
As for the poetry; I once put my poetry up on a poetry website and it too barely got any reviews or views. My fictions barely ever get any views but this is a slow burn. Over the course of nearly a week the views slowly went up, and up. Just stick with it and keep putting yourself out there. Don't do so much it's detrimental to your health though.
Lastly, this boy thing. Meh, screw men. If he's happy, then that's great. If it's not with you, then it's a bit of a downer but it's nothing to do with you. Not entirely. What he's after is what you aren't but there IS someone who is after everything you are. You're a lovely and determined young girl so the chances of you being alone for long are slim at best.
Keep that chin up.