I've felt pretty crappy the last couple of days. I'm still hanging in there, but the going is tough. But these little sessions of remembering why I'm doing this, why I'm here, help me through it all.
I have big dreams. Big plans. And I refuse to give up until I've realized them.
That's the reason I'm here and that's the reason I'm going to keep going. Just one foot in front of the other. That's all it takes.
Here we go...
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on my budget, and wrote a poem.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
- Did not stay on my diet.
- Cooked fish and pancakes today, and fixed my lunch, breakfast and dinner.
Never quit. That's what I keep telling myself. But on days like today, I really, really want to.
It's not that it's been a particularly bad day. I just don't feel like doing anything. It's what I normally would call a 'nothing' day, because it's a day where nothing gets accomplished. I've long had days like that, because my health (both mental and physical) isn't the best. But I'm determined that I no longer will have nothing days.
But those are the days where it's the hardest.
Those are the days when I want to do the parts that are easiest. Those are the days when I don't want to get out of bed. Those are the days when I constantly ask myself, "Isn't this enough? Do I really have to do anymore?"
Which is a valid question, really. After all, I don't call them nothing days for nothing. Days like today are days where literally nothing gets accomplished. I watch tv, read books for pleasure (not research), and imagine. I don't work. I don't do anything that even reminds me of work. So, when I force myself to do a little bit on the days I don't want to do anything, I can see why I ask myself this question. Something is better than nothing, and we've done that. Let's quit now.
Only that isn't who I am anymore.
Still, these are the hardest days to get through. If anyone out there has ever felt this way, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't wish the need for a nothing day on anyone. It has been the largest reason why I've failed at so much in my life.
But I won't let it do that to me anymore. I'm sick of being stuck. I'm going to go somewhere in my life. And nothing days actually do something quite awful: they hold me back from that.
No more. I cannot have nothing days if I want to be something. It's that simple.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, kept on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed and put away some laundry.
- Stuck to my diet.
- Fixed my lunch and dinner.
I don't really feel like posting tonight, but I don't believe in letting anything, not even a really bad day, hold me back from reaching for my goals anymore.
But I have had a terrible day.
It started with a really bad fight with my mom. I almost had to move out, it got so bad. But I'm still here, and I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon.
I think that was the main cause of the bad day, though. The rest was just having a LOT to do at work today, too many people everywhere I looked, the library was closed an hour before I got there, and the fair in town is closed after I get off work each night and closed on both of my days off for the next 2 weeks.
It just seemed to be one thing after another for me. And now I'm just exhausted, both mentally and physically. I want to go to sleep and wake up to a new day, one with a thousand possibilities.
In case the universe was wondering, I'd like one of those possibilities to be me winning $10,000. Thanks. :D
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today. Jogging day #3.
- Wrote in my journal, kept on budget, and wrote a poem.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
- Broke my diet and ate some chocolate.
- Cooked some chicken for the entire week and fixed my lunch up.
I believe that one of the few things that separates humanity from so-called lesser species such as dogs and chickens is our ability to connect the immediate surroundings into a much bigger picture. We understand that our actions in this moment have both rewards and consequences, and the outcome is dependent on us. We see how the past, present, and future come together to represent the world. We understand how seemingly small actions of an individual can impact the entire species and planet as a whole.
We can see the forest for the trees, as it were.
When you think about this gift, it's truly amazing. We have the ability to connect every single action of our lives into a map, cataloging what makes us do the things we do. We can catalog our DNA and show why our genetics make us do what we do. We can study history and see how that has lead to the incredible advancements we have today.
And we have incredible resources to expand this ability with! Go to the library, use a search engine, or surf the internet on sites like tumblr, and you can learn virtually anything you've ever wanted to know.
This ability we have is truly amazing. WE'RE amazing.
Except we never use it when it matters most.
Think about it. When you go to the store and see that chocolate cake you love so much. Do you stop and think about the potential health problems eating that cake could cause? Do you stop and question the cost of that cake and how it will impact your budget? Or do you think about how good it will taste and reach for the cake?
And what about that room you know you should get up and organize? Or that exercise you promised yourself you were going to do to improve your chances of survival? What about the meditation, the yoga, or the millions of hobbies you promised this time you were going to make stick?
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I'm saying this to get you thinking. Humanity is an amazing species. We have abilities that haven't been recorded in any other species that has been observed. And yet, when it comes to so many of our life choices, we are just like animals, reacting on instinct and what feels good right now, regardless of the possible negative impacts it could have on our lives later.
What's worse, unlike the animals, we actually know better. We can see the big picture. We can understand how eating that cake, not exercising, or doing one of a billion of other illogical choices we make each day impact our future and the possible future of our species and planet. And we do it anyway.
Why? Because it feels good. Smoking, rain forest degradation, the damage to the ozone, political problems, and every other sin you could possibly name throughout human history can all be sourced back to the same problem:
Humanities inability to deny themselves immediate gratification (what feels good right now) in order to reap the rewards of the overall good.
When I use the word good in this case, I mean what connects to the world, the human species, and to your own life in the least negative and most positive way possible. Does it have more benefits than consequences? Will it be worth the cost?
So, next time you're making a decision about something, even something relatively small in your life, I encourage you to stop a second and ask yourself two questions first. Am I wanting to do this because it will make me feel good for a short period of time or because it will benefit my life long-term? Does this have any possible consequences that could hurt myself or the human species as a whole in some way?
Those questions push you to look at the big picture, access that amazing human ability to see how it all connects, and make a conscious decision of what is REALLY best for you. You might be a little amazed in how much it changes your thinking.
It's the only thing I think is keeping me going in this lifestyle change.
Daily Stats:
- Exercise, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
- Tested some of the dietary changes I'm planning to make.
So I was reading books on diet and budgeting (really good ones!) and it suddenly hit me. There is no turning back from this change now.
I know it probably sounds weird, but it's like I reached the point of no return people talk about so much in the movies. Where the helicopter or plane's engine has used over half of their tank of gas. They can't turn back because they could never make it back without running out of gas and crashing to the ground.
That's how I feel.
Because I know now. I know that spending all your money to the point where you live from paycheck to paycheck is stupid. I know that not budgeting your money and planning where it goes means that you will have no control over your spending habits. I know that using credit cards is financial suicide. I know that diet and exercise truly lead to better health. I know that I will develop heart disease, diabetes, and strokes if I don't change my diet. I know that my health problems in life are a consequence of my unhealthy eating choices.
I know what healthy eating choices are and how to implement them. I know how to exercise and how easy it is to fit it in if you really want to. I know that a little discomfort can make you feel better than comfort ever could. I know that energy isn't a magic wish that just appears, and my choices in diet and exercise determine how much energy I have each day. I know that my mental health is dangerously low and my self-esteem is almost nonexistent. I know that those two factors are leading causes to failure in life.
I know that if I don't pursue my passion, it will never happen for me.
And that knowledge comes with a price. Now that I know, I can never go back to blissful ignorance. I can never ignore the impact of what I do and what I don't do. I cannot unsee the connections between my actions and my life. I can't take this life change back and fall back into what was because it was never what I thought it was. I was ignorant then. But I'm not anymore.
And that changes everything.
It's scary to realize that you can't fall back on your old pattern of behavior if this new pattern doesn't work. It's scary to realize how wrong you were before. It's scary to realize how wrong you probably still are.
But there is no turning back. And while that may be terrifying, it's also kind of wonderful. Because that means I'm succeeding. I'm changing my life, permanently.
I'm making this happen. And that's amazing.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today. Jogging day #2.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog today.
- Made my bed, did some laundry, did a load of dishes, and cleaned the microwave.
I'm so sick and tired of feeling like crap. I'm so sick of my life and feelings being dependent on other people. I'm so sick of being the way I've been for so long.
I want to change. I want to be different.
And that's why I'm here. I might indulge in my need to encourage others to change, too. After all, I want everyone to feel as good as I'm feeling right now. But I hope everyone will always know that this blog is about one thing:
Change.
And, in the spirit of that, I'd like to announce several of my intentions. Starting next week, I'm going to make it a goal to post 1 video blog entry per week, as well as post at least one top 10 reasons and one top 10 ways to do something on my own to do list. Why? Because I'm finding out that what I'm doing is incredibly important and freeing. And I want you to find that out, too.
This is my change. I want to do it to the best of my ability, and I want to take anyone and everyone I can along for the ride.
I hope you don't get car sick.
Daily Stats:
- Exercise, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, didn't stay on budget today, and wrote my poem.
- Posted on blog.
- Made bed.
I feel AWFUL. Like someone is stabbing me in the throat over and over and over again.
I don't feel like writing. The knife in my throat is a little too distracting. So I'm going to keep this blog post short. But suffice it to say it's hard to make your goals happen when you feel like your body is killing you. I believe, however, that if you keep your determination alive and see this as a challenge rather than a roadblock, you can do anything.
Hopefully, I can take my own advice.
Daily Stats:
- No exercise or stretching today. But I did meditate and work on my writing today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- No cleaning today.
I'm 23 years old. And I already owe over $7,000 in credit card debt.
How did this happen? Because I made it happen. I overspent. I spent money I didn't have when I didn't even have a job with a salary high enough to pay for it at the end of the month. Why? Because I "needed" it.
And it's no happenstance that most of my debt has been acquired since I started working at Walmart. Working so hard and getting so little in return made me feel as though I "deserved" the things I bought on credit. More than that, I am constantly bombarded with things I "need" to have. I can personally attest that Walmart's marketing scheme works.
At least, it did on me. Every day. For an entire year.
Until I can't stand it anymore. I'm so far in debt, I can't spend a dollar of my money without worrying if I'll have enough to pay my credit card bills. And as my main credit card debt is to Walmart, I can literally say that I pay Walmart to work for them!
And that is just pathetic.
Not only am I slaving for the company, I'm PAYING them to do so??? That has got to be the very definition of insanity.
No more. I'm going to pay off my current credit card debt, and then that's it. No more spending money I don't have. It's cold hard cash, or it isn't viable.
If you feel as though debt is enslaving you, too, check out Dave Ramsey's site. The man knows his stuff. And maybe he can make you rethink how you use your money, too.
I know I won't ever look at it the same again.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in journal, worked on my budget and stayed on budget, and finished my poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Didn't clean anything at all today (except for the floors, bins, and merchandise at Walmart).
In my last post, I talked about focus. Well, this post is all about our means of directing your focus. The best part? The same methods used against you to alter your focus to immediate gratification may be used to direct your attention towards the ultimate goal you truly want to attain in your life.
I actually discovered them in the book entitled Change Anything, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.
According to this book, there are six sources of motivation (which I believe is more about focus than anything) and they are: personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation, social ability, structural motivation, and structural ability.
What do these mean? Well, I'll walk you through them one by one, and tell you how I'm using each one of these motivating factors in my life.
The first is personal motivation. You have to connect with the overall goal in your crucial moments (that is, when you're about to give into temptation) and focus on what you want for your future rather than what you want right now. I implement this motivating factor with abstract thinking. I keep my goal and ultimate desire (to be a healthy, happy, and successful writer someday) in the forefront of my mind as much as I possibly can. Then, it's easy to pull up to the front of my mind when I want to remember not to be tempted.
I also make it more specific. I want to be a prolific, self-employed writer who doesn't have to rely on secular work to pay the bills. I want to be self-sufficient, always learning, and have finished my main project's books by the age of 30. Keeping this vision vivid gives me more to draw from when I'm tempted to stray.
The second is personal ability. This refers to the skills you need to tackle the task at hand. Chances are your life before now hasn't prepared you for the new life you wish to take on (mine certainly hasn't). So, you must learn new skills to pull from and use to reach your goal.
I'm learning all kinds of new skills to help me with my goals. Exercise, meditation, organization, budgeting. The list goes on and on. The important factor is that you learn them so that you have a bigger chance of success at whatever you're working towards.
The third is social motivation. We are who we hang out with. Our mothers told us this when we were kids, but we refused to believe her. But it's true! What you see as the norm (as in, who you associate with) is what you view as the desired goal for yourself. So, if you hang out with people who complain a lot, you'll find that you do, too.
You'll also find the reverse is true. If you're around positive, peppy people, you'll feel more positive and happy.
The fourth is social ability. This means that change is a difficult thing to do on one's own. Humans are social animals and we like to do things in a group. If you have support, encouragement, and guidance from those around you, you're far more likely to succeed.
I'm implementing the third and the fourth of these motivators by talking with my existing friends about my changes and starting this blog in hopes of meeting those with similar goals.
The fifth is structural motivation. If you link short-term rewards and punishments to your changes, you'll be far more likely to succeed. I implemented this by allowing myself to get that game I've been wanting only after I had kept to my routine for half a month. I also don't allow myself to eat out at a higher priced restaurant until I've managed to keep below budget the rest of the week.
The sixth and final motivator on the list is structural ability. This has more to do with your environment. What are the things in your life influencing you to do? If you have a tv at the center of your room with all the surrounding materials based upon it, you're not going to get much else but watching tv done. However, studies have shown that the closer your treadmill is to your television set, the more exercising you'll get done.
I implemented this motivator by organizing my room and, most importantly, straightening my desk so that my writing has plenty of space to be laid out there. It makes it much more inviting and tempting to sit down and get to work. I also cleared out my floor so that I had plenty of room to work out there.
If you'd like to see the scientific studies the researchers did that lead them to these conclusions, check out this book at amazon.com or your local library.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal and did NOT stay on budget again today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Picked up in my room a little.
Whatever your focus, that is your life.
If you focus on negative things, your life will be negative. You focus on positive things, your life will be positive. We've all heard this. But that's not specific enough to truly alter your thinking, is it?
Think about your day. Mine is constantly filled with temptations that alter my focus. I walk into work (at Walmart) with my focus pumped up to save money and not diverge from my budget. But then I see that chocolate cake, and my mouth starts to water and I imagine myself eating it. And voila, my focus has shifted from my budget and future savings to the immediate gratification of blowing that budget for that tasty cake.
9 times out of 10, I buy the cake.
Guess what my life has been filled with? Constant allowances and excuses as to why it's okay to give into the immediate gratification rather than struggle and strive for my overall goals and lifetime dreams.
But I don't want that anymore. I want to live my dreams. I want to achieve my goals. And I want to beat my own desires so that I can achieve those things. For my own good, of course.
In summary, if you keep your focus on the big picture (what you want for your life overall) you will live a life that perpetuates that ideal. But if you allow temptations to shift your focus to immediate gratification (the thing you want right now) and don't immediately force yourself back on track, well, you will live a life that is the exact opposite of that ideal.
How do you keep your focus? I've discussed how I'm doing it in previous posts, but we'll go even deeper in how focus works in my next post all about Change Anything, a book by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.
Daily stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal and failed to keep my budget, but planned how to make up for that.
- Created and posted a blog post.
- Picked up in room and den (but not much).
