Routine is the secret to success for me. I know it. I have proven it. I have lived it.
But it's so hard to put into practice.
I want to write every day again. I want to wake up and run most days. I want to feel limber and relaxed again. I want to remember calm, instead of trying to create it all the time. And I desperately want to see the progress I was making renewed.
So, my routine must return. But everytime I make a deadline for the day it has to be reenacted, I find some excuse to put it off another day. And another. And another.
Because tomorrow is a day that never comes. Saying "I'll do it tomorrow." is as good as saying "I don't want to do it at all."
The fact is, I want to see that beautiful progress I was making, but I don't want to put in the effort the routine costs. Which is funny, because it didn't feel like much effort while it was happening. At least, not until I added a whole bunch more to my routine.
But it's time to get off my butt and start this life change back up again. I'm tired of excuses and silly self-pity. I want to feel myself living again!
Here's hoping I can survive the ride.
Like most writers I've met, I believe that words are a form of magic. They weave a spell around our souls, capturing the world in a few seemingly simple words. They aren't an illusion or a trick. They are power beyond measure. They are true magic.
They have the power to do incredible good and terrible evil. They can twist into lies, or bring forth great truth. They can be emotional, logical, or a mixture of both. They can comfort and caress, or they can punish and slap. It all depends on the user.
I have studied their use for many years. My entire life, to be honest. And while I may only be a 23 year old girl, I've watched and learned far more than most my age.
Because the magic of words fascinates me.
How can such small things shape the world so much? How can one word change an entire experience? What is it about words that holds such power?
And how do I harness that power for myself?
Those questions have dominated my life. I have pursued a life dedicated to the study of words and their power. And writing has been one means I have found to study it. But social interaction has opened up previously unexplored territories for me.
I have been quite surprised to discover that interacting with people on a daily basis has increased my writing ability. You'd think it would be the opposite, right? After all, pursuing social interaction takes away from the time I have to write. So why does it increase my skill?
But, of course, social interaction is all about words. Every word you say is used both for and against you in every interaction you undertake. Effective communication is the only way you can guarantee people can see you for who you are. That means you have to learn to say things just right, or people will never learn to like you for you.
And thus, social interaction actually makes you a better writer.
It all boils down to the magic that words hold over us all. Can you weave the spell just right, or will it backfire on you?
I love my fantasy worlds. I love them so much that I live there about 90% of the time. As my mom has often said in my life, I live in my fantasy worlds and merely visit reality.
It makes me quite different than other people. And apparently that shows. But I don't want to change. I truly adore the fantasy work I do.
That's where I belong.
And I guess that's why I reacted a little crazy when I had someone send me a message of how words are not reality the other day. For some reason, that really upset me. I argued back that words ARE reality, because they are the way we interpret, interact with, and understand everything that is "real". Every thought, every emotion, can only be consciously understood if it is made into WORDS. Words hold the power of reality inside of them. They shape and flex it to create other dimensions, other universes, and they take us there to visit and see things we could never visit or see in real life.
That's why I love writing. That's what brings me back to this dream over and over and over again. I want to shape reality. I want to warp it into something that no one else has ever seen before.
I want to share my fantasy.
I read a blog post today entitled You Can't Be Anything If You Put Your Mind To It today. At first, I hated it. The author tells you, straight up, you have to accept that you can't be the richest, most athletic person in the world. The only thing you can be...is you.
I found it very demoralizing. But I let it percolate in my mind anyway. All because of some advice I gave someone recently.
I told my friend this: You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you can't take their advice, but you do owe yourself a chance at taking it.
So I took my own advice and thought about what this author said. And I think I finally got his point, though I still disagree with how he delivered it.
Being a billionaire, being an Olympic athlete, being on the NFL, none of those things are really about being you. They are external, not internal. Those things are things people strive to attain because other people told them it was something desirable.
You can play football without being on the NFL, and love it. You can do any of the Olympic sports without competing in the Olympics, and love it. You can be financially stable and not be a billionaire, and love it. Those things are attached to a need to show the world that you have MADE IT. That you are accomplished and great and important.
When, if you truly were any of those things, you wouldn't need to show it to the world at all.
And, if I'm being perfectly honest, I have driven myself to succeed and show everyone I'm something incredible my entire life. Not because I need to be a famous writer or need money or things. But because I want to prove all the people who doubted me as a child wrong. I want to show the world I'm worth something, because there have been far too many people who have tried to tell me I'm worth nothing.
I'm also driven by an internal need to write and share my stories. And that internal need has driven me to succeed far more than my need to prove something to the world. By seeking to be myself, I have gone much further than if I'd concentrated on the need to prove others wrong.
Internal motivation works much better than external motivation, in other words. And it turns out the author of that blog post was quite right. I completely disagree with how he states it, but his point is valid. We should not strive to be what other people have told us is right. We should strive to be what we want to be, inside, the person that is the truest form of ourselves.
So, if anyone else out there is striving to meet expectations of others, even indirectly, maybe you should read that blog post, too. You never know, it might open your mind, just as it did mine.
I'm pretty lucky. I've known what my passion was most of my life. Sure, I've wanted to learn everything else and then some, but there is one thing I've never been able to stop myself from doing:
Writing.
Creating worlds, characters, and stories has fascinated me since I was a very little girl. I've pretty much known I wanted to be a writer since I was 5 years old, in fact. And my passion for it has only grown with time. Today, I can say without any doubt, writing is the one thing I wish to do every day for the rest of my life.
To be honest, all the rest of my life-changing goals are centered around this one. I want to be an author, published and known. Maybe even famous. (If I'm completely honest, I really want to be famous. To know that that many people have read my stories, walked in my worlds? That would be a dream come true for me.) But my life can't be completely about writing. I want a few other projects in my life someday, such as gardening and beekeeping. But writing is the main focus I want in my life.
If someone was to someday write a sentence summarizing my life, this is what I want it to say:
She was an incredible writer, inviting people around the world to walk inside her worlds and meet her imaginary friends, sharing in the beauty and friendship themselves.
I've found that pursuing this passion of mine has redefined my life in some way I can't articulate (which is a funny thing for a writer to say). I feel happier. More fulfilled. Less burned out by life and pain. More tolerant. Just better.
Maybe that's the meditation. Or exercise. Or the positive thinking. But, then, I only started those things because I wanted to benefit my writing, in essence, enrich my passion. And it has. Beyond my wildest dreams.
What's your passion? How much of your day do you spend pursuing it? I'm sure you don't have the time in this busy world of ours. Nor the money. Nor the skills. Well, neither do I. That's why I'm doing this. So I can acquire those things and pursue my passion for the rest of my life. Is there a way you can bring more passion into your life?
Think on it. Because if this experience is teaching me anything, it's this: Passion can truly change your life, pushing you to do things you never thought possible. Its power is as unending as its rewards...
If you have the guts to pursue it.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed and picked up in room.
