So I was watching a show on Netflix (The Finder), and the main character said something that really hit me. He was discussing another character on the show who is a thief and a gypsy, and he says that trying to make her into a rule-abiding citizen will never work. She had both nature and nurture against her already. No one and nothing was going to change that part of her.
But he didn't mean for anyone to give up hope. Instead, he said something very meaningful. Instead of teaching her to follow the rules, you need to teach her the difference between right and wrong.
I've thought on this subject before when I've delved into what I call humanities greatest gift: the ability to see the big picture. And I've condemned our societies' means of teaching their children incessant rules instead of showing them how to see how their actions affect the big picture. Essentially, we aren't teaching our children the difference between right and wrong; we're teaching them to do what they're told.
Not exactly healthy, for them or for our society.
Of course, I'm not recommending we get rid of rules entirely. That would lead to absolute anarchy. But we should teach our children much more than just "Do this." and "Don't do that."
It's kind of like having a disease, and when you get to the hospital, the doctor prescribes a treatment to fix the symptoms you present instead of trying to find the cause. Sure, diarrhea and high fever have to be treated immediately because they can kill you faster than the disease will, but do you just send the patient home after you've treated the symptoms? No, you look for the cause and you administer a treatment for that, too.
The same is true in how we approach humanities' weakness: the inability to deny immediate gratification for the overall good. We teach our children rules and to follow the law, even though we know all the rules have exceptions and the law is flawed. And then we expect them to grow up to be law-abiding adults who know the difference between right and wrong.
Far too many times they don't.
The show went on to say how the main character believes the criminal should be taught the difference between right and wrong: let her see a lot of rights and let her see a lot of wrongs.
And that clicked for me. Because if you see a lot of rights and a lot of wrongs, you're going to start seeing patterns. The brain is designed to pick these up and use the information to protect itself, and this circumstance is no exception. When you see the effects of right and wrong first hand, the long and short term consequences to those actions, your brain picks up the patterns and trains itself to pick them up in your life.
That trains you to see how your actions affect the big picture.
I don't have kids. So, I can't judge those who do. But if and when I do have kids of my own, I hope I remember this lesson. I don't want to teach my children to follow rules; I want to teach my children to see the difference between right and wrong. To see the big picture.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed, did a load of dishes, and did laundry.
- Stayed on my diet.
- Cooked my dinner and breakfast and fixed my lunch for work.
I believe that one of the few things that separates humanity from so-called lesser species such as dogs and chickens is our ability to connect the immediate surroundings into a much bigger picture. We understand that our actions in this moment have both rewards and consequences, and the outcome is dependent on us. We see how the past, present, and future come together to represent the world. We understand how seemingly small actions of an individual can impact the entire species and planet as a whole.
We can see the forest for the trees, as it were.
When you think about this gift, it's truly amazing. We have the ability to connect every single action of our lives into a map, cataloging what makes us do the things we do. We can catalog our DNA and show why our genetics make us do what we do. We can study history and see how that has lead to the incredible advancements we have today.
And we have incredible resources to expand this ability with! Go to the library, use a search engine, or surf the internet on sites like tumblr, and you can learn virtually anything you've ever wanted to know.
This ability we have is truly amazing. WE'RE amazing.
Except we never use it when it matters most.
Think about it. When you go to the store and see that chocolate cake you love so much. Do you stop and think about the potential health problems eating that cake could cause? Do you stop and question the cost of that cake and how it will impact your budget? Or do you think about how good it will taste and reach for the cake?
And what about that room you know you should get up and organize? Or that exercise you promised yourself you were going to do to improve your chances of survival? What about the meditation, the yoga, or the millions of hobbies you promised this time you were going to make stick?
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I'm saying this to get you thinking. Humanity is an amazing species. We have abilities that haven't been recorded in any other species that has been observed. And yet, when it comes to so many of our life choices, we are just like animals, reacting on instinct and what feels good right now, regardless of the possible negative impacts it could have on our lives later.
What's worse, unlike the animals, we actually know better. We can see the big picture. We can understand how eating that cake, not exercising, or doing one of a billion of other illogical choices we make each day impact our future and the possible future of our species and planet. And we do it anyway.
Why? Because it feels good. Smoking, rain forest degradation, the damage to the ozone, political problems, and every other sin you could possibly name throughout human history can all be sourced back to the same problem:
Humanities inability to deny themselves immediate gratification (what feels good right now) in order to reap the rewards of the overall good.
When I use the word good in this case, I mean what connects to the world, the human species, and to your own life in the least negative and most positive way possible. Does it have more benefits than consequences? Will it be worth the cost?
So, next time you're making a decision about something, even something relatively small in your life, I encourage you to stop a second and ask yourself two questions first. Am I wanting to do this because it will make me feel good for a short period of time or because it will benefit my life long-term? Does this have any possible consequences that could hurt myself or the human species as a whole in some way?
Those questions push you to look at the big picture, access that amazing human ability to see how it all connects, and make a conscious decision of what is REALLY best for you. You might be a little amazed in how much it changes your thinking.
It's the only thing I think is keeping me going in this lifestyle change.
Daily Stats:
- Exercise, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
- Tested some of the dietary changes I'm planning to make.
I want to be a calm, happy, intelligent woman who writes. I want to feel good about myself and my life. I want to be happy with my vocation, happy with my hobbies, and happy with my choices. And I want to be healthy and motivated, able to do anything and everything I set my mind to.
And I want to become that person, that ideal, by the age of 30.
Here's a more detailed, vivid picture of who I want to be by the time I'm 30:
- A published writer.
- A healthy woman NOT on medication for diabetes, heart disease, etc.
- In a stable, enjoyable vocation.
- Taking regular classes in different subjects, just for the sake of learning.
- A seasoned traveler who's been to Africa, South America, India, and toured Europe.
- Living a green, self-sufficient lifestyle.
- Debt free.
- HAPPY!
I do not want to be any of these things when I'm 30 years old:
- Still working at Walmart.
- A procrastinator.
- A person with a list of nothing but unfinished projects.
- Still not green or self-sufficient.
- Knee deep in debt.
- Stuck in the same dead-end cycle of life.
It's a tall order to fill in just 7 years. But I can do it, if I just take it one day, one step, at a time. Because that's who I want to be someday.
And I will be her. That transformation has already begun. If I never give up, never give in to self-doubt or immediate gratification, then that person is who I will be.
That's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm here.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal and stayed on budget.
- Posted another post on my blog.
- Picked up in room, did laundry, and did a load of dishes.
In my last post, I talked about focus. Well, this post is all about our means of directing your focus. The best part? The same methods used against you to alter your focus to immediate gratification may be used to direct your attention towards the ultimate goal you truly want to attain in your life.
I actually discovered them in the book entitled Change Anything, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.
According to this book, there are six sources of motivation (which I believe is more about focus than anything) and they are: personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation, social ability, structural motivation, and structural ability.
What do these mean? Well, I'll walk you through them one by one, and tell you how I'm using each one of these motivating factors in my life.
The first is personal motivation. You have to connect with the overall goal in your crucial moments (that is, when you're about to give into temptation) and focus on what you want for your future rather than what you want right now. I implement this motivating factor with abstract thinking. I keep my goal and ultimate desire (to be a healthy, happy, and successful writer someday) in the forefront of my mind as much as I possibly can. Then, it's easy to pull up to the front of my mind when I want to remember not to be tempted.
I also make it more specific. I want to be a prolific, self-employed writer who doesn't have to rely on secular work to pay the bills. I want to be self-sufficient, always learning, and have finished my main project's books by the age of 30. Keeping this vision vivid gives me more to draw from when I'm tempted to stray.
The second is personal ability. This refers to the skills you need to tackle the task at hand. Chances are your life before now hasn't prepared you for the new life you wish to take on (mine certainly hasn't). So, you must learn new skills to pull from and use to reach your goal.
I'm learning all kinds of new skills to help me with my goals. Exercise, meditation, organization, budgeting. The list goes on and on. The important factor is that you learn them so that you have a bigger chance of success at whatever you're working towards.
The third is social motivation. We are who we hang out with. Our mothers told us this when we were kids, but we refused to believe her. But it's true! What you see as the norm (as in, who you associate with) is what you view as the desired goal for yourself. So, if you hang out with people who complain a lot, you'll find that you do, too.
You'll also find the reverse is true. If you're around positive, peppy people, you'll feel more positive and happy.
The fourth is social ability. This means that change is a difficult thing to do on one's own. Humans are social animals and we like to do things in a group. If you have support, encouragement, and guidance from those around you, you're far more likely to succeed.
I'm implementing the third and the fourth of these motivators by talking with my existing friends about my changes and starting this blog in hopes of meeting those with similar goals.
The fifth is structural motivation. If you link short-term rewards and punishments to your changes, you'll be far more likely to succeed. I implemented this by allowing myself to get that game I've been wanting only after I had kept to my routine for half a month. I also don't allow myself to eat out at a higher priced restaurant until I've managed to keep below budget the rest of the week.
The sixth and final motivator on the list is structural ability. This has more to do with your environment. What are the things in your life influencing you to do? If you have a tv at the center of your room with all the surrounding materials based upon it, you're not going to get much else but watching tv done. However, studies have shown that the closer your treadmill is to your television set, the more exercising you'll get done.
I implemented this motivator by organizing my room and, most importantly, straightening my desk so that my writing has plenty of space to be laid out there. It makes it much more inviting and tempting to sit down and get to work. I also cleared out my floor so that I had plenty of room to work out there.
If you'd like to see the scientific studies the researchers did that lead them to these conclusions, check out this book at amazon.com or your local library.
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal and did NOT stay on budget again today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Picked up in my room a little.
Whatever your focus, that is your life.
If you focus on negative things, your life will be negative. You focus on positive things, your life will be positive. We've all heard this. But that's not specific enough to truly alter your thinking, is it?
Think about your day. Mine is constantly filled with temptations that alter my focus. I walk into work (at Walmart) with my focus pumped up to save money and not diverge from my budget. But then I see that chocolate cake, and my mouth starts to water and I imagine myself eating it. And voila, my focus has shifted from my budget and future savings to the immediate gratification of blowing that budget for that tasty cake.
9 times out of 10, I buy the cake.
Guess what my life has been filled with? Constant allowances and excuses as to why it's okay to give into the immediate gratification rather than struggle and strive for my overall goals and lifetime dreams.
But I don't want that anymore. I want to live my dreams. I want to achieve my goals. And I want to beat my own desires so that I can achieve those things. For my own good, of course.
In summary, if you keep your focus on the big picture (what you want for your life overall) you will live a life that perpetuates that ideal. But if you allow temptations to shift your focus to immediate gratification (the thing you want right now) and don't immediately force yourself back on track, well, you will live a life that is the exact opposite of that ideal.
How do you keep your focus? I've discussed how I'm doing it in previous posts, but we'll go even deeper in how focus works in my next post all about Change Anything, a book by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.
Daily stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal and failed to keep my budget, but planned how to make up for that.
- Created and posted a blog post.
- Picked up in room and den (but not much).
