We all have insecurities. We all feel less than what we think we should be. But do you value yourself?
Sometimes, I think I do. But there's always been this little voice inside of me that says I'm not good enough, says that I do everything wrong, and makes me believe I'm worthless. I've wrestled with it all of my life, and I don't think I'm alone in this particular fight. Most people seem to fight with their insecurities every day.
Through meditation, I learned to listen and then deny that voice and it's power. But since my routine has NOT been resurrected as I intended, I can honestly say that I've fallen back into the same insecurities.
Talking to a friend has helped me see why I don't want to be like this. He makes me feel crushingly insecure, but that isn't what opened my eyes.
It's his way of dealing with his own insecurities that showed me what's wrong with how I am now dealing with mine.
He once had people he confessed his problems to, but they shut him down and abandoned him when he needed them most. He once had people who made him hate himself. And then he finally kicked them out of his life.
But instead of dealing with the cuts in his soul that these people left behind, he let them fester. Now, he's become much like the people he refuses to think or talk about. Anyone mentions their problems, he shuts them down, because he believes everyone should deal with their own problems. Anyone makes him feel in the slightest inferior, he shuts them out, and turns that same feeling back on them.
I am the first to admit I have many scars upon my soul. But they are scars. Flaws in the framework of my inner self, but they have closed and healed. I haven't allowed infection to settle and infect the rest of my soul. And while more cuts continue to be added to the number, each one is carefully tended and given what it needs to heal.
This boy does not have that. His cuts have never healed, and if he doesn't change sometime soon, I'm afraid that he's going to die of them.
And trying to help him has shredded my self-worth like nothing I've done before. I'm finally to a point where I have to back off and tend my own wounds. I feel guilty, like I should keep on trying to save this guy from himself, but I know this isn't really my responsibility. But my emotions about myself are. And I need to help myself feel better again.
How can I help anyone else if I don't help myself?
I remember when I first started meditating. It was only a little over 2 months ago, so it isn't hard, but it feels like forever ago. I remember feeling as though I was attempting something foreign and completely unknown.
I told myself it would be easy. I mean, how hard could sitting still and thinking about nothing but breathing be?
Turns out, pretty hard.
In fact, I've never grown to like that particular meditation. But I quickly discovered there are many other meditations out there to try. Here's just a few to peak your interest:
1.) Body scan meditation.
This one is my favorite. I lay still with my eyes closed and simply concentrate on one body part at a time. I repeat phrases like "I am my feet (or whatever body part I'm concentrating on)." and explore the sensations there until I can feel everything there without having to try. Then I move on to the next part it's connected to.
I start at my feet and move my way up until I reach my head. Each part is given special attention and any thoughts that intrude are brushed away and my concentration returns to my immediate concern. At the end, I concentrate on feeling my body in its entirety, and see how it feels to inhabit my own skin in the present moment.
What I love about this meditation is how incredibly relaxing it is. Because you concentrate on each body part without judging, it relaxes automatically without any interference from your mind.
2.) Walking meditation.
You can do this meditation anywhere really. Just get up and walk. Think the word inhale as you inhale, then count how many steps it takes for you to exhale. Repeat this over and over again as you walk.
I was amazed by how helpful this was at work. It's more of a mini-meditation for me, as I use it at my job to break up the stress of the day, but you can use it as a larger meditation if you like long walks in the wilderness or the like. It really helps you deal with hard days.
3.) Observational meditation.
This one is a little harder to do than the others, so you may want to try something else first. But it's relatively simple in theory. You simply count 6 exhales, and then start watching your thoughts. Label each thought with a name. Then make each thought as vivid as possible, picturing the thought as a living thing outside your body. Watch it for a while and then decide if you want to keep this thought or not. If you decide it is doing you harm, picture yourself pushing it away from yourself, building a wall between you and it, or simply deleting it from existence. Whatever imagery works for you, get rid of the thought.
You may have to brush the thought aside multiple times at first. But eventually your control will improve and the push will come easier.
What's incredible about this meditation is how it allows you to control your thoughts much deeper in real life than you ever thought possible. Once your brain has been trained to get rid of thoughts you don't want to have, the means of doing so is surprisingly easy.
4.) Emotional exploration meditation.
This is the same as the previous exercise, except this time you should observe your emotions instead of your thoughts. Whether you believe that each thought provokes an emotion or that each emotion provokes a thought, this exercise will help you control and identify your emotions.
Count 6 exhales before you start. Then go into your thoughts, merely observing. Don't get too caught up in the thoughts, just watch them as they go. Now, go deeper and find your emotions behind the thoughts. Go through and label the emotions you are feeling, one by one. Identify where they come from and explore what each feels like in its entirety, without judgment or fear of reprisal. Don't try to brush emotions aside as you did the thoughts, but do control what thoughts spring from these emotions. Reject any thoughts you don't like, and throw yourself into the emotion as much as you can without actually feeling it.
A great accompaniment to this meditation is to be extra-conscious of your emotions throughout your day. Take time to label thoughts throughout your day with an emotion and take time to have periodic checks to see what you are feeling right then, in that moment.
This is great for those of us who are extra sensitive (like me!). It helps you see how your emotions work and what the process is that you're going through. Controlling your reactions to emotions, and embracing them for what they are, are the first steps to being free from the power they hold over you.
5.) Cleaning meditation.
If you're one of those people who simply doesn't have the time to just sit still and do nothing, then this meditation is for you! Just go about a normal daily chore, but do it with one slight difference: instead of trying to finish the chore quickly to move on, absorb yourself completely with the physicality of it. Feel the washcloth as it washes the dishes. Feel every moment as it happens, dismissing any thoughts of what you have to do later or what happened last night at your friend's party. Just feel the moment right now.
This one is pretty simple and can have as meaningful an effect on your life as though you did carve out the time to meditate each day!
6.) Mantra meditation.
This is the one most of us see in the movies. In this meditation, you sit still and chant a mantra over and over again. It doesn't have to be out loud, but it does need to be simple and meaningful to you. Many people choose the word omm, for it's traditional purposes, but you can repeat any phrase or sound that appeals to you to repeat.
A great part of this meditation is repeating a positive affirmation in it. It's funny how much your brain begins to believe something if you say it enough times. So, you can kill two birds with one stone with this meditation and increase your positive thinking, too!
7.) Compassion meditation.
I've never tried this one myself, as I feel I suffer from too much compassion at the moment, but I feel it will definitely be added to my repertoir at some point in the future. There are several different kinds of compassion meditations, but here's the one I liked the most:
First, you call to mind your own self and say silently “May I be
happy, may I be peaceful, may I be healthy, may I be free.” Next, call
to mind someone you love, and say the same, but replace the Is with yous,
obviously. Next, call to mind someone who is pissing you off or making
you sad, and do it for them. From there, you can extend this meditation
out to the entire world (“may all beings everywhere be happy”
etc.). This part loses some people. If you’re one of them, then when
you’re done with the person who you’re upset with, do someone else you
love so you end on a good note.
This meditation is said to give people a more understanding and compassionate outlook on life and the people they deal with each day. It can definitely be a useful exercise when you're angry with one of your loved ones, or just upset in general.
8.) 100 Breaths meditation.
Okay, so this is just the breathing meditation we talked about not having to do, right? Except it isn't. In this meditation, you count each breath (that is, an inhale AND an exhale) until you reach the number 100. It sounds a LOT easier than it is because it's so simple to lose count due to thoughts coming along and distracting you from the numbers.
This is a great exercise if you want to learn how to control your concentration and focus for long periods of time. I hate it, myself, but I think it benefits my mind and so I stretch it with a few applications of it regularly.
9.) Focus meditation.
In this meditation, you sit and focus intently on an object outside of yourself. So, instead of observing your thoughts or feelings, you observe an object. Very popular objects to observe are flames and water.
This is a great meditation to stretch your focus. It keeps you thinking on something monotonous and mundane rather than the constant flow of life we get so used to.
10.) Spiritual meditation.
Meditation doesn't have to be spiritual, but it can be. You can experience it in the form of prayer if you so desire. Just pray as usual and concentrate on your words.
Meditation isn't always easy, but everyone can do it. It just takes practice and determination. And don't worry if your thoughts don't stay where you want them. Most people's don't. Even very experienced meditators suffer from that problem. Just remember that it's better to spend 10 minutes of your time redirecting your thoughts than it is allowing them to do whatever they want when you aren't looking.
Well, that's all the motivational speaking I have in me tonight. Good luck to everyone on learning meditation. I hope it proves as incredible an experience for you as it has been for me!
Daily Stats:
- Stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today, but only exercised tonight.
- Wrote in my journal, kept to my budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
- Stayed on my diet.
- Made my lunch.
Are you interested in meditation? I've found it is the most useful technique in dealing with your problems, and even in discovering problems you never even realized you had.
Here's why I think you should try it:
1.) Meditation reduces stress.
Meditation has been shown in scientific studies to reduce our reactions to stress. And who doesn't have a stressful life, nowadays? If you ever feel a little overwhelmed by work, family, and your goals, meditation is a great way to unwind and get back on track.
2.) Meditation is good for your mental health.
I've found that my meditation has helped me explore reaches of my mind I didn't even know existed. By sitting and observing my thoughts, making them as vivid and detailed as possible so I can truly see all sides of them, I've found a lot of the problems I've had in pursuing my dreams were really all in my head.
And simply by dealing with those mental issues, I've been able to grow past them and pursue my dreams.
3.) Meditation can improve your physical health.
Meditation will improve your health by strengthening
your immune system, reducing your blood pressure and lowering
cholesterol levels.
If you're someone like me, who comes from a family of "sickies", this can be a life-saver. I also have extremely difficult health issues and meditation has been proven to reduce inflammation - a problem I have troubles with in my psoriasis and lupus.
4.) Meditation improves your sleep.
It's been shown that meditation can actually improve your insomnia and help you feel more rested after sleeping. However, in scientific studies, it has also been shown to make you a lighter sleeper, as the mind is more active.
5.) Meditation can slow aging.
Studies into the effects of meditation have shown
that the regular practice of meditation can slow the aging process. The
biological age of long term meditators is thought to be less than those of
people who have never meditated. They think this is caused by the fact that meditation helps to reduce the
body’s production of free radicals. Free radicals are organic molecules
that are responsible for aging, tissue damage, and possibly some
diseases.
Do you want to stay younger for a longer period of time? Then meditation is for you!
6.) Meditation promotes positive thinking.
You may think this is just an extension of good mental health, but I think this deserves a number all its own. Because how many negative thoughts have you had today? A hundred? A thousand? More? Did you get angry at someone in traffic? Frustrated with a coworker? Complain about your job (again)? Upset with your spouse or child? Now, track how many negative thoughts you had over the course of these emotions...
If you're anything like most people, you've had a lot of negative thoughts. Some of them are so bad, you'd never voice them aloud even if absolutely enraged. But meditation can help you control your thoughts much better, and thus promote positive thoughts over these negative voices we see so much of every day.
7.) Meditation improves concentration.
You're sitting in absolute quiet. You are focusing on one piece of your body or mind and everything else ceases to exist. If your mind wanders, you gently guide it back to the matter at hand without judgment or anger.
This is the very definition of the term 'concentration'. If you have trouble concentrating (and who doesn't in our modern world), then meditation may be the solution for you. And we all know that I prescribe to the belief that focus is one of the key factors to a successful life.
8.) Meditation makes you less bothered by the little things.
Remember yesterday's post? Well, meditation encourages you to look at the big picture more, without becoming overly concerned with the small details. Messing up and eating a small piece of cake on a rare occasion doesn't hurt your overall health -- consistent choices are what influences your health. So, if you are eating that cake every day, chances are you're hurting the overall picture. But an occasional slip-up?
That barely affects the big picture and meditation helps you see that. Connections begin to make more and more sense in your mind. And as I believe the ability to see the big picture and how it all connects is the greatest gift mankind has, I think it's well-worth encouraging!
9.) Meditation can improve your ability to connect with other people.
While meditation can seem like the ultimate form of self-absorption, at least one kind of meditation can improve your compassion (and thus your connection) with other people. It's known as loving-kindness meditation.
And who doesn't need a good boost to their social life?
10.) Meditation helps you feel more grounded.
Meditation brings you into the moment of now. It's a very different feeling, especially if you're like me and constantly dreaming of a possible future. Bringing you more into this moment right here is an excellent way to help you get more done, as you can't act in any other moment but right now.
I encourage everyone to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day. It's a great way to get your life and mind under control, and to learn more about yourself than you ever realized was available to know. If you're interested, check out Headspace or Calm.com. They can get you started towards a more relaxing and fulfilling life.
That's what they've done for me!
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed and did a load of dishes.
- Started my diet change and bought groceries for my next week.
- Didn't cook anything yet (got home from work with my groceries at midnight).
I've been doing a lot of soul-searching during my meditation time lately, and have discovered quite a few interesting things about myself. Not the least of which is that I have a lot of negative, self-hating thoughts that I don't allow to become conscious words in my mind, but they still impact me and my sense of self-worth every day.
But another interesting conclusion came to me the other day. Since I've begun meditating, I find that I'm less and less concerned with whether other people think I'm good enough, and more and more concerned with whether or not I think I'm good enough.
And that is a huge deal for me.
I have suffered from poor boundaries all my life. Other people's opinions and feelings have always seemed to matter more than my own. But now, I find my own thoughts are gaining in power inside my own mind, becoming more important than the thoughts of others.
In other words, I'm becoming more self-confident. Which is INCREDIBLE!!!
This side effect of meditation alone makes all the time I spend doing it worth while. To be honest, I think this is benefiting me more than therapy ever did! I feel fantastic almost all the time. I feel more peaceful, more in control over my own body and mind, and more aware of the world around me. It's truly opened up my life to me.
If it worked for me, I don't see why it wouldn't work for you. I recommend that you skip the C, and sign up for meditation today. The side effects are worth it!
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Made my bed.
Sit still. Think of your body in this moment. What does it feel like? Does it ache? Is it tense? Do you feel the chair resting against your back? Or the bed against your belly?
That is now. That is this moment. That is the present and nothing else.
There is a certain power in living in just this moment, without envisioning a dream future (or a nightmare one, if you're a pessimist) or reliving the mistakes or triumphs of the past. It gives you focus, a skill you may have noticed that I enthusiastically endorse learning.
More than that, meditation gives you a touch stone in your day-to-day life. With just a change in your breathing, or a slight touch of your fingers, you're reminded of a moment of peace in times of great stress.
What do I mean when I say this? Well, think about it. How many times in your life have you faced a scary prospect, or become so angry you're about to blow a gasket, and someone has told you to just take a deep breath and calm down? Like it's that easy. As simple as taking a deep breath and making yourself calm down when you're feeling such tempestuous emotions!
It isn't that easy. Emotions rule our day-to-day life more than we even realize. And creating calm and relaxing your muscles in the face of strong emotion is almost impossible, just as facing a large crowd to give a speech can be almost impossible (public speaking is the number one fear of humans worldwide, according to most studies; death comes second in most people's estimations).
But what if you prepare beforehand? Practice your speech by yourself over and over until you know it by heart. And then take it to your family and friends to practice it in front of them. Is it as impossible then?
Not really. It's still pretty hard, but each preparation makes the fear lessen a little more. And instead of creating your speech on the spur of the moment, with the crowd staring you down and your heart speeding too fast to be measured, you have a pre-written speech ready to be recited from memory. It's always easier to remember something you already know than to craft it from nothing in the face of heavy emotion.
The same is true about relaxation and calm. It's hard to pull those feelings up on command, like a rabbit from a magician's hat. But what if you practiced every single day? What if you took the time to feel that feeling every morning before you went to work or faced your family? Would remembering that feeling, preparing for the stressful moments of life when you'd need that calm most of all, make a difference when facing that moment of truth?
Yes. It's still pretty hard, but the practice makes it a little easier to do. Instead of creating calm and relaxation from nothing, you merely remember what it felt like when you meditated. Remember your muscles relaxing. Remember your emotions falling to the back of your mind and your body becoming your focus. Remember how it felt to be calm.
And then you won't have to remember. Because you're feeling it right now.
If you wish to explore your own calm, why not try a simple site like calm.com? It never mentions meditation, you can choose whatever nature background noise you wish to hear, and it's a great beginner's source for learning to be calm. Hope it helps you as much as it has me!
Daily Stats:
- Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
- Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
- Posted on my blog.
- Picked up a little in my room.
