A Debt Of Happiness

I've been listening to my friends lately. A lot of them are having a lot of problems in life. What drives me crazy is how they complain about it, do nothing, and just make themselves more miserable in the complaining.

Now, I like to talk. So, I talk about my problems, too. I talk about my good days, I talk about my bad days, and I talk about the incredible days, whether those be incredibly bad or incredibly good. I especially talk about the things that make good stories. I complain, too. Boy, do I complain. But I laugh as I complain, find the humor and then do something. And I ALWAYS stay determined to be happy, regardless of what life throws at me.

I have moments where I can't find a way to make myself be happy, but they never last long. I perk back up, and I fight another day.

You see, a long time ago, I learned something. The world is not going to make me happy. Life is not going to make me happy. People are not going to make me happy. Any happiness I ever find in those things, will be short-lived and inter-spaced with so much pain, I might even forget it ever existed.

But I can make MYSELF happy, no matter what.

In the end, it's each and every one of us' job to ensure our own happiness. The world does not owe us that happiness. Life does not owe us happiness. Other people do not owe us happiness. It's nice if those things see fit to give it to us, but it certainly isn't owed. The only person meant to make you happy, is you.

If you can find an opportunity to be happy in every difficulty, you'll always be happy. And there is always an opportunity. You just have to look.

Just Smile

At work, all of the night shift managers treat me like I'm an idiot. I can't figure out why, though. I mean, they haven't spent more than a few minutes with me at a time, never talk to me about anything meaningful, and they know next to nothing about me. But yet they assume I'm an idiot.

Is it the smile? The laugh? The blonde hair? The youth? I just don't get it.

Other people smile and laugh and have blonde hair and are young. They don't treat them like idiots. So what's the problem here?

I know it has to do with my reputation. I'm the girl who is always happy, always friendly, always nice. I'm the good girl everyone likes. I'm silly and loud and spacy.

So few people look beyond that to the keen intelligence beneath. Nor do they realize that the spaced out dreaming is my extreme creativity at work.

But even those who can't see what lies beneath the exterior don't just assume I'm an idiot. So why do the night shift managers??? Did one of them just not like me and spread that dislike like a plague through their ranks?

Grr. The worst part is none of them will just come out and say what they are thinking. Just once, I'd like to explain to a person that a friendly smile doesn't mean you don't understand what suffering is like; it means you decided to be strong enough to smile anyway. Just once, I wish someone would dare to tell me to my face that I don't know what it's like to suffer. That if life had been as hard for me as it has been for them, I wouldn't smile like that.

I know what suffering is. I have suffered more in my short life than most people will ever even imagine. But I also know there are many out there who have (and still do) suffered much worse than I.

But my suffering taught me something very important: Life doesn't make you happy. Other people won't make you happy. YOU are the only one who can make yourself happy. So screw those who made you suffer and be happy anyway.

And screw those who don't understand.

True Happiness

I read a poem today by a young woman who sounded very troubled. Her entire poem was a description of her thoughts while staring at herself in the mirror. She describes herself demanding her own image to become thinner, calling it ugly and disgusting, and she ends the poem with the sentence: I know I will never be happy.

And she's right. If nothing changes, she never will be.

Because this young woman is looking for happiness in all the wrong places, she will never attain it. Because she sees that her own self-worth is inexplicably connected to her appearance and not her personality or love, she will never discover what it is to be happy.

And that is a sad, sad thing. No one should face a life without happiness. That isn't living; that's waiting to die.

I have long believed that happiness was something you could create, if you really wanted to. That it lay inside yourself, and wasn't something external or tangible. That was one of the most important lessons my mother ever taught me.

But the media and marketing professionals say otherwise. They say happiness comes from eating junk, driving nice cars, living in expensive houses, and being beautiful/dating beautiful people. They say you have to live like a millionaire and look like a supermodel to be happy.

And so many people, especially young people, believe these lies. I have a friend I know who hardly eats anything at all. Her doctor told her that if she doesn't start eating more, he'll be calling the police to report her for attempted suicide, her nutrition is so bad.

But she refuses to take his warnings. She tells all of us that she likes the way she is now, and she'll start eating again when she loses 40 more pounds. 40 more pounds! Now, she isn't stick skinny, by the world's standards, but the girl barely has any meat on her bones as it is. If she lost 40 pounds, she'd be nothing but bones!

It isn't the fact that she isn't stick skinny that is this girl's problem. It isn't the fact that she doesn't have tons of money. This girl's problem is that she has tied her sense of self-worth to someone else's ideal. She thinks she isn't good enough as she is; she must lose weight by any means necessary.

She must be beautiful to be happy.

I wish I could explain to the world that this simply isn't true. I wish I could get a message out there that to be happy is to LIVE happy. You think happy thoughts, you do fun things, and you enjoy your life, no matter the problems or flaws. If you believe you're happy, even if you're lying at first, you WILL BE. Losing 40 pounds doesn't make you happy. Getting rid of acne doesn't make you happy. Looking great in a swimsuit doesn't make you happy. Dwelling on the positive, good things in life makes you happy! Treating the negative, bad things as aberrations in a wonderful world makes you happy!

I challenge anyone out there who is reading this: walk up to the most beautiful person you know and ask them if they are happy with their life. Ask them if they are happy with their body/face. Ask them if beauty has brought them pleasure or pain.

If they are honest, nine times out of ten you'll get a no, no, and more pain than pleasure. Because beauty can be just as much a curse as a blessing. Think on any famous, beautiful person in history. Cleopatra didn't live happily ever after with her love; they both killed themselves in a cave while an army hunted for their heads. Marilyn Monroe didn't live happily ever after; she committed suicide. And how many celebrity marriages (between some of the most beautiful people in the world) have you seen end in divorce, scandal, and misery? How many have you seen NOT?

And yet people still don't believe. That someone who is poor and ugly can be a million times happier than a beautiful, rich person is beyond imagining. It goes against the laws of the media, and god forbid we do that.

I know. It's easy to say these things, but far more difficult to convince our emotional brains that it's true. I suffer from thoughts of self-hatred and I watch the same media as the rest. I'm brainwashed, too.

But is that just the way it has to be? Is that the future we condemn our next generation to? Is that what we want the human race to be guided by for the next 100 years?

I'm sorry, but this poem disturbed me greatly. And I believe it should disturb all of us. This is what people think today. This is an affliction that millions suffer from. If something doesn't change, we're looking at a future of miserable human beings who don't even know what it means to LIVE.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed, organized my desk, and did some laundry.
5. Stuck to my diet.
6. Made a smoothie for breakfast, cooked lunch, and fixed dinner.
7. Drew.

The Road Once Travelled

What kind of achievements have you accomplished in the past?

I was reading today in This Year I Will... (another great book) that creating a list of achievements that you have succeeded at in the past helps you see what strengths and skills you have to bring to the change you wish to make now. And it sounds pretty smart, so I thought I'd make a small list of my own, and encourage all of you to do the same.

1. I have finished the first draft of my first book in the series.
2. I have finished the outlines of the first 10 books in the series.
3. I have said no to drugs and smoking.
4. I have worked in retail despite my social anxiety.
5. I have performed in 2 plays.
6. I have controlled my anger to an extreme degree my entire life.

All of those accomplishments were done by me. Not someone else. Me. And they took strength, courage, passion, love, and determination. They took self-control, coping mechanisms, adaptation, willingness to see all sides of a story, and positive thinking.

And those are all things I can turn towards my new life change to help make it happen.

What have you done, and what are the skills that it took to accomplish that? Can those skills help you on your current problem?

Hope you find this as interesting as I did!

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Did NOT stay on my diet today.
6. Cooked breakfast.
7. Drew. 

Following The Rules

So I was watching a show on Netflix (The Finder), and the main character said something that really hit me. He was discussing another character on the show who is a thief and a gypsy, and he says that trying to make her into a rule-abiding citizen will never work. She had both nature and nurture against her already. No one and nothing was going to change that part of her.

But he didn't mean for anyone to give up hope. Instead, he said something very meaningful. Instead of teaching her to follow the rules, you need to teach her the difference between right and wrong.

I've thought on this subject before when I've delved into what I call humanities greatest gift: the ability to see the big picture. And I've condemned our societies' means of teaching their children incessant rules instead of showing them how to see how their actions affect the big picture. Essentially, we aren't teaching our children the difference between right and wrong; we're teaching them to do what they're told.

Not exactly healthy, for them or for our society.

Of course, I'm not recommending we get rid of rules entirely. That would lead to absolute anarchy. But we should teach our children much more than just "Do this." and "Don't do that."

It's kind of like having a disease, and when you get to the hospital, the doctor prescribes a treatment to fix the symptoms you present instead of trying to find the cause. Sure, diarrhea and high fever have to be treated immediately because they can kill you faster than the disease will, but do you just send the patient home after you've treated the symptoms? No, you look for the cause and you administer a treatment for that, too.

The same is true in how we approach humanities' weakness: the inability to deny immediate gratification for the overall good. We teach our children rules and to follow the law, even though we know all the rules have exceptions and the law is flawed. And then we expect them to grow up to be law-abiding adults who know the difference between right and wrong.

Far too many times they don't.

The show went on to say how the main character believes the criminal should be taught the difference between right and wrong: let her see a lot of rights and let her see a lot of wrongs.

And that clicked for me. Because if you see a lot of rights and a lot of wrongs, you're going to start seeing patterns. The brain is designed to pick these up and use the information to protect itself, and this circumstance is no exception. When you see the effects of right and wrong first hand, the long and short term consequences to those actions, your brain picks up the patterns and trains itself to pick them up in your life.

That trains you to see how your actions affect the big picture.

I don't have kids. So, I can't judge those who do. But if and when I do have kids of my own, I hope I remember this lesson. I don't want to teach my children to follow rules; I want to teach my children to see the difference between right and wrong. To see the big picture.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed, did a load of dishes, and did laundry.
5. Stayed on my diet.
6. Cooked my dinner and breakfast and fixed my lunch for work.

Anniversaries

Happy anniversary to me! Yay!

It amazes me to see how far I've already come. This day marked the 2-month anniversary of when I started this life change and the difference between now and then is simply incredible. Maybe not as far as I hope to get in the future.

But still amazing, regardless.

And my blog! My last blog, it was amazing if I remembered to update twice a week! And it died a natural death because of that. But this blog I've kept posting each day for 1 whole month!

I feel silly and a little giddy. Even though today was a terrible, grueling day at work and my body is terribly sore from yesterday's strains, I'm excited about it all. I feel as though there is no struggle I can't fight and win, no trouble I can't take on to get where I want to go.

My life has officially become what I want it to be. And I'm going to make it work, shape it all into the life of my dreams. I will succeed. I can feel it.

I'd like to take this chance to thank any and all of you out there who have been reading this and following me on this incredible journey. And a special thanks to Mark, for taking the time to encourage me along the way. Blogging each day would have been so much harder without you, Mark. At least I know someone is out there.

Thank you so much. It feels good to know I'm not alone.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Stayed on my diet.
6. Made juice with my juicer and fixed my lunch for work.

10 Reasons to Meditate

Are you interested in meditation? I've found it is the most useful technique in dealing with your problems, and even in discovering problems you never even realized you had.

Here's why I think you should try it:

1.) Meditation reduces stress.

Meditation has been shown in scientific studies to reduce our reactions to stress. And who doesn't have a stressful life, nowadays? If you ever feel a little overwhelmed by work, family, and your goals, meditation is a great way to unwind and get back on track.

2.) Meditation is good for your mental health.

I've found that my meditation has helped me explore reaches of my mind I didn't even know existed. By sitting and observing my thoughts, making them as vivid and detailed as possible so I can truly see all sides of them, I've found a lot of the problems I've had in pursuing my dreams were really all in my head.

And simply by dealing with those mental issues, I've been able to grow past them and pursue my dreams.

3.) Meditation can improve your physical health.

Meditation will improve your health by strengthening your immune system, reducing your blood pressure and lowering cholesterol levels.

If you're someone like me, who comes from a family of "sickies", this can be a life-saver. I also have extremely difficult health issues and meditation has been proven to reduce inflammation - a problem I have troubles with in my psoriasis and lupus.

4.) Meditation improves your sleep.

It's been shown that meditation can actually improve your insomnia and help you feel more rested after sleeping. However, in scientific studies, it has also been shown to make you a lighter sleeper, as the mind is more active.

5.) Meditation can slow aging.

Studies into the effects of meditation have shown that the regular practice of meditation can slow the aging process. The biological age of long term meditators is thought to be less than those of people who have never meditated. They think this is caused by the fact that meditation helps to reduce the body’s production of free radicals. Free radicals are organic molecules that are responsible for aging, tissue damage, and possibly some diseases.

Do you want to stay younger for a longer period of time? Then meditation is for you!


6.) Meditation promotes positive thinking.

You may think this is just an extension of good mental health, but I think this deserves a number all its own. Because how many negative thoughts have you had today? A hundred? A thousand? More? Did you get angry at someone in traffic? Frustrated with a coworker? Complain about your job (again)? Upset with your spouse or child? Now, track how many negative thoughts you had over the course of these emotions...

If you're anything like most people, you've had a lot of negative thoughts. Some of them are so bad, you'd never voice them aloud even if absolutely enraged. But meditation can help you control your thoughts much better, and thus promote positive thoughts over these negative voices we see so much of every day.


7.)  Meditation improves concentration.

You're sitting in absolute quiet. You are focusing on one piece of your body or mind and everything else ceases to exist. If your mind wanders, you gently guide it back to the matter at hand without judgment or anger.

This is the very definition of the term 'concentration'. If you have trouble concentrating (and who doesn't in our modern world), then meditation may be the solution for you. And we all know that I prescribe to the belief that focus is one of the key factors to a successful life.

8.) Meditation makes you less bothered by the little things.

Remember yesterday's post? Well, meditation encourages you to look at the big picture more, without becoming overly concerned with the small details. Messing up and eating a small piece of cake on a rare occasion doesn't hurt your overall health -- consistent choices are what influences your health. So, if you are eating that cake every day, chances are you're hurting the overall picture. But an occasional slip-up?

That barely affects the big picture and meditation helps you see that. Connections begin to make more and more sense in your mind. And as I believe the ability to see the big picture and how it all connects is the greatest gift mankind has, I think it's well-worth encouraging!

9.) Meditation can improve your ability to connect with other people.

While meditation can seem like the ultimate form of self-absorption, at least one kind of meditation can improve your compassion (and thus your connection) with other people. It's known as loving-kindness meditation.

And who doesn't need a good boost to their social life?

10.) Meditation helps you feel more grounded.

Meditation brings you into the moment of now. It's a very different feeling, especially if you're like me and constantly dreaming of a possible future. Bringing you more into this moment right here is an excellent way to help you get more done, as you can't act in any other moment but right now.


I encourage everyone to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day. It's a great way to get your life and mind under control, and to learn more about yourself than you ever realized was available to know. If you're interested, check out Headspace or Calm.com. They can get you started towards a more relaxing and fulfilling life.

That's what they've done for me!

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed and did a load of dishes.
5. Started my diet change and bought groceries for my next week.
6. Didn't cook anything yet (got home from work with my groceries at midnight).

No Turning Back Now

 So I was reading books on diet and budgeting (really good ones!) and it suddenly hit me. There is no turning back from this change now.

I know it probably sounds weird, but it's like I reached the point of no return people talk about so much in the movies. Where the helicopter or plane's engine has used over half of their tank of gas. They can't turn back because they could never make it back without running out of gas and crashing to the ground.

That's how I feel.

Because I know now. I know that spending all your money to the point where you live from paycheck to paycheck is stupid. I know that not budgeting your money and planning where it goes means that you will have no control over your spending habits. I know that using credit cards is financial suicide. I know that diet and exercise truly lead to better health. I know that I will develop heart disease, diabetes, and strokes if I don't change my diet. I know that my health problems in life are a consequence of my unhealthy eating choices.

I know what healthy eating choices are and how to implement them. I know how to exercise and how easy it is to fit it in if you really want to. I know that a little discomfort can make you feel better than comfort ever could. I know that energy isn't a magic wish that just appears, and my choices in diet and exercise determine how much energy I have each day. I know that my mental health is dangerously low and my self-esteem is almost nonexistent. I know that those two factors are leading causes to failure in life.

I know that if I don't pursue my passion, it will never happen for me.

And that knowledge comes with a price. Now that I know, I can never go back to blissful ignorance. I can never ignore the impact of what I do and what I don't do. I cannot unsee the connections between my actions and my life. I can't take this life change back and fall back into what was because it was never what I thought it was. I was ignorant then. But I'm not anymore.

And that changes everything.

It's scary to realize that you can't fall back on your old pattern of behavior if this new pattern doesn't work. It's scary to realize how wrong you were before. It's scary to realize how wrong you probably still are.

But there is no turning back. And while that may be terrifying, it's also kind of wonderful. Because that means I'm succeeding. I'm changing my life, permanently.

I'm making this happen. And that's amazing.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today. Jogging day #2.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog today.
4. Made my bed, did some laundry, did a load of dishes, and cleaned the microwave.

All Diets Work (But We Don't)

I read about a study in a book I read not so long ago (Change Anything), and it said something about diets that has stuck with me ever since. In this study, scientists tested each diet against a control group to see if it really worked. And their study showed that almost all of the diets worked...for as long as the people stayed on them.

Problem is, few people ever do.

We all have seen this story for ourselves. Woman or man hates their body and decides to change it. They go on a diet and exercise regimen and lose pounds quickly. And they keep them off. For a little while.

And then they slip. They skip an exercise routine. They cheat on their diet. And the pounds start coming back. The more they gain back, the more they eat and the less they exercise. They've already lost; why keep fighting the battle? Their new body quickly deteriorates until they've gained more pounds than they originally lost!

Sometimes this cycle repeats itself over and over and over again, causing more health problems than the supposed diet was supposed to cure in the first place.

When I was a little girl, I decided I was never going to diet. I didn't believe in the stuff. Dieting made people unhappy and cranky, and I wanted to be happy, dang it! How in the world could skinny ever be worth unhappiness?

Well, I still feel that way. In fact, I think fad diets are evil and are causing more obesity in our nation than they are curing. But then, why is a diet in my life change plan?

Because I want to change my diet. Not go on a diet. I want to eat healthier, in a more sustainable manner. I want to feel good and accomplish my goals, not fit in a swimsuit better. Sure, that'd be a great side effect to a healthier diet and exercise regimen (what girl wouldn't want that), but that's not what this is about.

This is about being happy. This is about making my dreams come true.

And no where in my dreams is there room for debilitating illnesses and health problems that hold me back from doing things. I need my health more than anything if I want to get somewhere in this life change of mine. So, starting on 4/11, I will be beginning my own diet plan. It won't be a fad diet, nor will it be a starvation diet. This will be a complete dietary change for me. A lifestyle change.

It will be based off of the dietary research I am currently doing. Extensive reading into how the body and nutrition works is the only way I can see making this work how I want.

And this will work. Just watch me.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog today.
4. Made my bed today.

Poisonous Fear

My mother was telling me today of how she has tried and failed to do what I'm doing now when she was my age. And she isn't the only one. My coworkers have been telling me how they've tried to reach their own goals as I am but have found that "something" always gets in the way and stops them.

I've decided that "something" is really only one thing: you.

You are your own worst enemy. You are the only thing standing between you and your dreams. You are the only obstacle in your path to greatness.

Because of things like fear and doubt, you give up when things get difficult, believing those ugly, little thoughts in the back of your mind. "You're not good enough." "You can't do this; you're fooling yourself." "You're going to look like an idiot." "You deserve the mediocre life you live."

I know. Because I am having those same thoughts.

I'm so afraid I'm going to fail. That I'm going to be stuck in this life I don't want to stay in. Sure, it's a good place to be for my temporary goals, but long-term? No way!

I'm afraid I can't get out. I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I'm afraid I'm going to look like an idiot. I'm afraid I'm going to be like my mom and my coworkers, advising some future dreamer that "something" is going to come between them and greatness.

If I let it, these doubts and fears will hold me back. They'll stop me from reaching my goals. From flying with my dreams.

I refuse to let it.

I will do this. I am good enough. I deserve to live my dreams. And I'm not an idiot.

And do you know why? Because when all is said and done, I'm more afraid of what I'll become if I don't do this than what might happen if I do. Success might not be certain in this life change of mine, but failure is sure if I don't even try to make it.

Fear can poison you or it can drive you to even greater heights. Regardless, you will be afraid. What you do with that fear all depends on you.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, and meditated twice today. Only worked on writing tonight, however.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog today.
4. Picked up in my room, made my bed, vacuumed living room, den, bedroom, hallway, and bathroom, cleaned bathroom sink, toilet, and mirror, and worked on laundry. 

10 Reasons to Exercise

We all know we should exercise. But why should we exercise? Knowing that, and keeping it in mind each day when it's time to sweat through your clothes, makes you that much more likely to do it.

1.) Exercise combats health conditions and diseases.

If there was a pill we could take that could magically reduce our risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases, stroke, metabolic syndrome, depression, certain types of cancers, arthritis, and falls, we'd all take it, right? Well, that pill exists. It just isn't a pill. All it takes is a little exercise each day to prevent major health conditions that could permanently alter your world as you know it.

Isn't that worth a little sweat and burn?

2.) Exercise improves mood.

Exercise sends off all those nice endorphins in the brain, making you feel good. Plus, regular exercise has been shown to improve your self-image and confidence.

Having troubles with self-esteem? Maybe you should just take a walk...every day for a month. See how you feel.

3.) Exercise boosts energy.

This one is a deal-breaker for me. I have struggled with meeting goals and making things happen in my life for years. Exercise has helped me push through on my goals and start making things happen in my life.

It's really no mystery. Regular physical activity delivers oxygen and nutrients to your tissues and helps your cardiovascular system work more efficiently. If your heart and lungs work more efficiently, you're going to have more energy for the other activities in your day.

4.) Exercise promotes better sleep.

As long as you don't exercise too close to sleep, you'll find that you'll fall asleep faster and sleep deeper if you exercise often. And of course, the more deep sleep you get, the more energy you'll have the next day.

Deeper sleep has also been shown to combat health problems. Want better health overall? Exercise is the magic pill!

You just have to take it.

5.) Exercise controls weight.

Well, most of us know that. But have you ever REALLY thought about it? Each day, you ingest copious amounts of fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates, as well as a host of other chemical compounds. And you have to do that, just to survive. But what happens if you do nothing to offset this intake? If you take in more than you work off, you're going to gain weight until you're the size of a whale.

Or just dead.

But regular exercise means that you're subtracting as much (or more) as you're adding in. It's simple math. If you want to change your size, you have to make the numbers work in your favor. Exercise is the only reasonable means you have of subtracting more than you take in. There is no other way (diet is reducing the amount you add; but it doesn't really subtract anything).

6.) Exercise makes you smarter.

Or, at least, it makes you more capable of applying your intelligence. Studies have shown people who exercise are more able to focus, are faster at reacting to problems, have better memories, and better cognitive function in general. 

So, exercise really is a no-brainer.

7.) Exercise reduces stress.

Had a hard day at work? Try a quick run. A little exercise can help you unwind from that confrontation you had with a coworker or the mean customer you faced today.

And everyone knows that stress today is killing us. The more you reduce your stress, the better you're going to feel.

8.) Exercise improves your sex life.

Well, of course. Sex is a physical effort in and of itself. So improving your, erm, performance will improve your sex life. Not to mention, self-esteem and confidence are great at improving anyone's sex life, and we've already mentioned how exercise improves you there!

But there's more to it than that. According to MayoClinic.com, regular exercise leads to enhanced arousal in women. And men who exercise are less likely to have problems like erectile dysfunction. (Check out the article here) 

9.) Exercise keeps your bones strong.

As you get older, osteoporosis is a real danger. You could lose the ability to run, walk, even stand! But with a little exercise each day, you could keep all of that from happening, increasing your chances of independence into your old age.

And how many of us actually want to live in a retirement home if we can help it?

10.) Exercise is actually fun!

It's true! Exercise can be a source of enjoyment in and of itself. And not just for health nuts (no offense). So-called "normal" people can enjoy exercise, too. 

The key is finding an exercise you actually like doing. Swimming, kayaking, skiing, there are a lot of options out there. And anything that gets you moving is worth it. Heck, they even have Wii games that get you going, if you don't want to experience the real thing. Just find something that fits your likes and dislikes, and get going! You might be surprised by how much you like it (I certainly have been).


Does anyone else have any other reasons to exercise? What motivators have you found that work for you?

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on blog.
4. Made bed, picked up in my room, and organized my desk.

Writing Down Your Troubles

Why did I make writing in a journal one of my goals? Well, that's simple. Because I'm a writer. And because talking myself through this change will make the process SO much easier, in the long run.

Not to mention, there is something so freeing in writing in a journal. It doesn't matter what you say, how you say it, or even why. It's your journal; you choose who reads it. And it's your space to just be yourself. Admit to your weaknesses. Describe your dark inner thoughts. Explore your flaws.

Only by facing what is wrong with you, deep inside, can you hope to change it. It won't go away on its own. You can't wish it away. It's there, and it haunts every day of your life.

And it will only get worse if you never deal with it.

A journal is truly the perfect place to work through some of that. Some might recommend therapy (and you may need that, too), but a journal won't charge you forty bucks an hour just to talk!

Just look at me! Every word I've written inside my journal has brought me strength in my change. It's part of the reason I've made it this far. Here's a few links to give you some ideas on why I recommend journaling so strongly:

The Health Benefits of Journaling

10 Reasons to Keep a Journal

Still not convinced? Well, think on this: In a journal, you can explore yourself, both good and bad, without fear of judgment or bias. It's just a page in a notebook. It isn't going to hate you or gossip about you. Instead, it will soak your words into its very soul, the truest form of listening you can ever imagine.

If you don't have a journal already, I recommend getting one. It's so simple to begin. All you have to do is write.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercise, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on blog.
4. Made my bed.

 

Remembering Calm

Sit still. Think of your body in this moment. What does it feel like? Does it ache? Is it tense? Do you feel the chair resting against your back? Or the bed against your belly?

That is now. That is this moment. That is the present and nothing else.
 
There is a certain power in living in just this moment, without envisioning a dream future (or a nightmare one, if you're a pessimist) or reliving the mistakes or triumphs of the past. It gives you focus, a skill you may have noticed that I enthusiastically endorse learning.

More than that, meditation gives you a touch stone in your day-to-day life. With just a change in your breathing, or a slight touch of your fingers, you're reminded of a moment of peace in times of great stress.

What do I mean when I say this? Well, think about it. How many times in your life have you faced a scary prospect, or become so angry you're about to blow a gasket, and someone has told you to just take a deep breath and calm down? Like it's that easy. As simple as taking a deep breath and making yourself calm down when you're feeling such tempestuous emotions!

It isn't that easy. Emotions rule our day-to-day life more than we even realize. And creating calm and relaxing your muscles in the face of strong emotion is almost impossible, just as facing a large crowd to give a speech can be almost impossible (public speaking is the number one fear of humans worldwide, according to most studies; death comes second in most people's estimations).

But what if you prepare beforehand? Practice your speech by yourself over and over until you know it by heart. And then take it to your family and friends to practice it in front of them. Is it as impossible then?

Not really. It's still pretty hard, but each preparation makes the fear lessen a little more. And instead of creating your speech on the spur of the moment, with the crowd staring you down and your heart speeding too fast to be measured, you have a pre-written speech ready to be recited from memory. It's always easier to remember something you already know than to craft it from nothing in the face of heavy emotion.

The same is true about relaxation and calm. It's hard to pull those feelings up on command, like a rabbit from a magician's hat. But what if you practiced every single day? What if you took the time to feel that feeling every morning before you went to work or faced your family? Would remembering that feeling, preparing for the stressful moments of life when you'd need that calm most of all, make a difference when facing that moment of truth?

Yes. It's still pretty hard, but the practice makes it a little easier to do. Instead of creating calm and relaxation from nothing, you merely remember what it felt like when you meditated. Remember your muscles relaxing. Remember your emotions falling to the back of your mind and your body becoming your focus. Remember how it felt to be calm.

And then you won't have to remember. Because you're feeling it right now.

If you wish to explore your own calm, why not try a simple site like calm.com? It never mentions meditation, you can choose whatever nature background noise you wish to hear, and it's a great beginner's source for learning to be calm. Hope it helps you as much as it has me!

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Picked up a little in my room.

Better Than Enough

I never realized how much I hated myself until today.

I've been told over and over again throughout my life that I'm a very positive, calm person. I make other people feel good. I'm so upbeat. I have nicknames like sparkles, sunshine, giggles, bubbles, and feathers. People think I'm happy and sweet and fun.

And I am all of those things. For other people. But not for me.

I say and do nice things for others. And yet I tell myself, over and over again, that I'm not good enough. That I'm not motivated, hard working, determined, dominant, or even sweet enough. I beat myself up for every flaw. Worse, I come up with excuses for the things I do wrong just to screen over the feelings of self-hatred they evoke. I tell myself that it's okay that I didn't get up and do my work for the day; I wasn't born with that kind of motivation nor was I trained to do it. It's okay that I didn't stand up for myself when my mother put me down; I can't stop her from thinking what she wants and there's nothing I could say that would change her position anyway. It's okay that I wasted my day off from work watching television; I needed the down time, I was so exhausted.

You get the picture.

But, underneath the excuses, self-hatred eats away at me, crumbling my resolve and abilities even more. I hate myself for not getting up and doing my work, no matter the reason. I hate myself for not standing up to my mother when she's railroading me. I hate myself for sitting in front of a television all day while my writing lays on the table, unfinished.

I just hate myself.

Which is ridiculous! I'm a great person. Not perfect, by any means. But I am a great person. I make other people feel good about themselves, help them find solutions to their problems, not by telling them what they want or need, but by advising them to find what they themselves want or need, and I support people emotionally through difficult times. I'm fun, upbeat, and I make other people feel good.

And if there are some things about myself I don't like, well, that's okay, too. I'm only human. I'll never be perfect. But I can change what I don't like.

But first I have to accept it. It is what it is. I am who I am, both because of what has been done to me and what I have done to myself. There is no real way to change who I am in this moment. But there is a way to change who I will be tomorrow. And that starts right now.

If I don't like something about myself, fine. Change it. But to change it, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, and then refine it.

It seems, however, that my brain hasn't quite gotten the memo. My inner critic constantly undermines my belief in myself. I'll be going through my morning routine and suddenly I hear my own voice whispering in my mind: You're just not good enough. And with just those five little words, my body aches, my muscles tensing together like they took a real blow. My heart breaks, and a rush of overwhelming sadness sweeps through me. Because I believe it. I believe that I'm just not good enough. Not good enough for another person to love, not good enough to reach my goals, not good enough to live a real life.

If someone else said such things to me, I'd blow a gasket. And I'd tell them just what bridge they could go jump off of, for all I'd care. But for my own mind to say such things? How could I be my own worst enemy?

So, on this journey to change, I found another part of me that is going to have to alter for my dream to become a reality. From now on, whenever I think I'm not good enough, I have a ready retort for my inner critic to face:

I'm better than enough.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in journal, stayed on budget, and wrote one poem today.
3. Posted a blog entry.
4. Did a load of dishes and cleaned in bathroom.

Meet The Woman I Want To Be

I want to be a calm, happy, intelligent woman who writes. I want to feel good about myself and my life. I want to be happy with my vocation, happy with my hobbies, and happy with my choices. And I want to be healthy and motivated, able to do anything and everything I set my mind to.

And I want to become that person, that ideal, by the age of 30.

Here's a more detailed, vivid picture of who I want to be by the time I'm 30:

• A published writer.
• A healthy woman NOT on medication for diabetes, heart disease, etc.
• In a stable, enjoyable vocation.
• Taking regular classes in different subjects, just for the sake of learning.
• A seasoned traveler who's been to Africa, South America, India, and toured Europe.
• Living a green, self-sufficient lifestyle.
• Debt free.
• HAPPY!

I do not want to be any of these things when I'm 30 years old:

• Still working at Walmart.
• A procrastinator.
• A person with a list of nothing but unfinished projects.
• Still not green or self-sufficient.
• Knee deep in debt.
• Stuck in the same dead-end cycle of life.

 It's a tall order to fill in just 7 years. But I can do it, if I just take it one day, one step, at a time. Because that's who I want to be someday.

And I will be her. That transformation has already begun. If I never give up, never give in to self-doubt or immediate gratification, then that person is who I will be.

That's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm here.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal and stayed on budget.
3. Posted another post on my blog.
4. Picked up in room, did laundry, and did a load of dishes.

Change Anything

In my last post, I talked about focus. Well, this post is all about our means of directing your focus. The best part? The same methods used against you to alter your focus to immediate gratification may be used to direct your attention towards the ultimate goal you truly want to attain in your life.

I actually discovered them in the book entitled Change Anything, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.

According to this book, there are six sources of motivation (which I believe is more about focus than anything) and they are: personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation, social ability, structural motivation, and structural ability.

What do these mean? Well, I'll walk you through them one by one, and tell you how I'm using each one of these motivating factors in my life.

The first is personal motivation. You have to connect with the overall goal in your crucial moments (that is, when you're about to give into temptation) and focus on what you want for your future rather than what you want right now. I implement this motivating factor with abstract thinking. I keep my goal and ultimate desire (to be a healthy, happy, and successful writer someday) in the forefront of my mind as much as I possibly can. Then, it's easy to pull up to the front of my mind when I want to remember not to be tempted.

I also make it more specific. I want to be a prolific, self-employed writer who doesn't have to rely on secular work to pay the bills. I want to be self-sufficient, always learning, and have finished my main project's books by the age of 30. Keeping this vision vivid gives me more to draw from when I'm tempted to stray.

The second is personal ability. This refers to the skills you need to tackle the task at hand. Chances are your life before now hasn't prepared you for the new life you wish to take on (mine certainly hasn't). So, you must learn new skills to pull from and use to reach your goal.

I'm learning all kinds of new skills to help me with my goals. Exercise, meditation, organization, budgeting. The list goes on and on. The important factor is that you learn them so that you have a bigger chance of success at whatever you're working towards.

The third is social motivation. We are who we hang out with. Our mothers told us this when we were kids, but we refused to believe her. But it's true! What you see as the norm (as in, who you associate with) is what you view as the desired goal for yourself. So, if you hang out with people who complain a lot, you'll find that you do, too.

You'll also find the reverse is true. If you're around positive, peppy people, you'll feel more positive and happy.

The fourth is social ability. This means that change is a difficult thing to do on one's own. Humans are social animals and we like to do things in a group. If you have support, encouragement, and guidance from those around you, you're far more likely to succeed.

I'm implementing the third and the fourth of these motivators by talking with my existing friends about my changes and starting this blog in hopes of meeting those with similar goals.

The fifth is structural motivation. If you link short-term rewards and punishments to your changes, you'll be far more likely to succeed. I implemented this by allowing myself to get that game I've been wanting only after I had kept to my routine for half a month. I also don't allow myself to eat out at a higher priced restaurant until I've managed to keep below budget the rest of the week.

The sixth and final motivator on the list is structural ability. This has more to do with your environment. What are the things in your life influencing you to do? If you have a tv at the center of your room with all the surrounding materials based upon it, you're not going to get much else but watching tv done. However, studies have shown that the closer your treadmill is to your television set, the more exercising you'll get done.

I implemented this motivator by organizing my room and, most importantly, straightening my desk so that my writing has plenty of space to be laid out there. It makes it much more inviting and tempting to sit down and get to work. I also cleared out my floor so that I had plenty of room to work out there.

If you'd like to see the scientific studies the researchers did that lead them to these conclusions, check out this book at amazon.com or your local library.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal and did NOT stay on budget again today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4.  Picked up in my room a little.

My Motivation

I never thought about motivation before I read this quote. It hit me hard. I had always thought how I lacked motivation and drive, because I didn't strive for my goals the way people said I should if I did have those things. Obviously, I was just born lacking them.

But motivation isn't something you're born with. And it isn't something you can just acquire and use to change your life.

It's something you have to make for yourself. And then remake it. And remake it again. Remake it over and over and over again, every day, for the rest of your life. As the quote says, it's like bathing. Without a shower, we'd all start to stink to high heaven. Well, without a daily dose of motivation, we'd all lay around doing nothing of any import. Until we starved to death, that is.

Some motivations are so hard-wired into us, that they DO come naturally. I think that's because if we didn't have motivation to get up and eat, drink, or have sex, we really would just lay down and die.

But if your goals go beyond your basic needs for survival, those hard-wired motivations will do little to help you achieve them. If you want to motivate yourself towards that, you must work out your own motivation and concentrate time and thought on it daily. Place reminders of it throughout your home and especially in areas where you find yourself most tempted to stray from your goals.

I love sticky notes for this. I have them on my door, tv, mirror, and dresser. Pretty much scattered throughout the room. And every time I look at one of those things, I'm reminded about my goals and why I want to achieve them.

Wanna know my motivation? Honestly, I've always WANTED to be a writer. I've dreamed and dreamed about getting published, living a happy, healthy life that made other people who had looked down on me see what I was truly made of, and escaping the life I live now. But I never seemed to be able to change my dream into a reality.

Until I met a boy. I trusted him. I loved him. And he crushed my heart like a tin can. It drove me into one of the deepest, darkest depressions of my life. For one entire month, it seemed all I did was sit in front of the tv and veg out. Or snap at my parents. Or go to work and struggle with dealing with my customers with a smile.

I got madder and madder about all of this. I had long ago determined I would never grow so dependent on another person that I would be lost without them. I could miss them, want them back, and even cry a little. But I could never allow my life to end because of them.

And, for all intents and purposes, I had done just that. I'd let myself become so depressed that my life seemed dark and terrible.

So, I came up with a plan. First, I was angry with the boy. I wanted to prove I was good enough for him or anyone else I wanted. Which lead me to my decision to follow my dreams again and pursue my writing.

But I'd tried that path before, many times, and failed. Over and over and over again, I failed. What would make this time any different?

Well, I couldn't stay where I was. Not without hating myself forever for giving in to the dark feelings and letting that stupid boy have that much power over me. Nuh-uh. Not me. I was going to get out of this depression, pursue my passion, and prove once and for all I had the stuff to be successful.

So, I did some research. Turns out, regular exercise, daily meditation, a healthy diet, and an organized environment were all contributing factors towards successful goal achieving. Everything said to start slow, and while I wanted to follow the advice, my gut said that if I didn't apply all those changes now, I wouldn't stick with my plan long enough for the slow build-up to work.

And that's my motivation, folks. Because I want to be a strong, independent, and successful woman who doesn't give in when depression and bad circumstances hit her. I want to be the me I always dreamed of. I want to be happy, with or without another person to lean on.

I continue on each day, because I found that the journey I planned out towards happiness, has made me happier than I ever thought possible. It dug me out of a bad depression and gave me the will to survive and thrive once again.

That is, after all, the power of motivation.

Daily stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote a journal entry and worked on budget
3. Wrote and posted my blog entry
4. Picked up room and folded and put away laundry.