Motivation

It's hard to tell the difference between motivation and ability sometimes. So often, if I lose all motivation, I say I can't do it. And I can list a whole host of reasons why I can't do it, too.

But the truth is, I can. I just don't really want to.

Which sounds horrible. The truth often does, of course, but there you have it. I don't want to get back on track and do my routine again.

I have a lot of motivation to achieve what I want. Sometimes. But then something happens, and suddenly I don't care. Nothing really matters to me for a while, and I have to drag myself out of the depressing pit where nothing matters, and back to the motivated, want-to-succeed person I really am.

I got my motivation back a short while ago. I started my routine back up. I hadn't quite made it to the blogging stage when the boy who raped me came back to my place of work and asked me if I was pregnant.

And just like that, motivation dropped to nothing.

I hate to admit something like this has such power over me. I hate to think how just a single meeting can change the course of my life completely. I want to believe I have control over my emotions and thus control over my life.

And life likes to remind me otherwise. Frequently.

I've decided to stop trying to force motivation. I need to recognize it when I have it, and jump on my work like no one's business, but I don't think I'll ever be able to completely control my emotions or life. And I do believe I'm going to get this train wreck of a change back on track and start achieving things again. I promise.

Just watch me go.

Working On Routine

Routine is the secret to success for me. I know it. I have proven it. I have lived it.

But it's so hard to put into practice.

I want to write every day again. I want to wake up and run most days. I want to feel limber and relaxed again. I want to remember calm, instead of trying to create it all the time. And I desperately want to see the progress I was making renewed.

So, my routine must return. But everytime I make a deadline for the day it has to be reenacted, I find some excuse to put it off another day. And another. And another.

Because tomorrow is a day that never comes. Saying "I'll do it tomorrow." is as good as saying "I don't want to do it at all."

The fact is, I want to see that beautiful progress I was making, but I don't want to put in the effort the routine costs. Which is funny, because it didn't feel like much effort while it was happening. At least, not until I added a whole bunch more to my routine.

But it's time to get off my butt and start this life change back up again. I'm tired of excuses and silly self-pity. I want to feel myself living again!

Here's hoping I can survive the ride.

Upgrade Ready

So I was at work today and I decided to splurge for the first time in a VERY long time on some beauty products. For some reason, I felt this need to experiment and play with a whole new look.

In other words, I bought a whole lot of new make-up.

That got me back to thinking about my life change again. I don't want a superficial change, like some new make-up to make me look better. I want a real change, like writing every day and running and eating healthier. The superficial can make everything look and maybe seem a little better, but it's just a trick.

It's like putting a new paint job on a broken down Pinto. You're still stuck on the side of the road wondering where all your money went.

I'm not returning the make-up, because I like a nice paint job, thank you very much. But I can't stop there. I need to get this life change back to the center of my life. No matter what is going wrong, this change has been an extraordinary source of strength for me, and I'm not ready to lose that.

And I like where I was going when my engine was running.

Flying Free

Have you ever dreamed about flying? Just soaring through the clouds with nothing but air holding you up. The kind of dream where you're no longer touching the ground, it's just you and the limitless sky.

It's amazing.

I've always wanted to fly in real life, too. Not with a parachute, not in a giant metal tube, but actually fly. Like the birds do.

Unfortunately, that's physically impossible. But I've taken that metaphor in my life's pursuit of becoming special and successful. Not only because its an apt metaphor, but because it has some significant personal meaning for me.

Until I read this quote, however, I forgot to think about how birds fly. It isn't just the wings that gives them that incredible ability to swing through the atmosphere; they also have hollow bones and tail feathers. The hollow bones make them light enough that the force of their beating wings can raise them off the ground, and the tail feathers guide their direction in flying and keep them balanced as they go.

And that is an apt metaphor for my life change, too. You have to get rid of the things that weigh you down, or hollow your bones, as it were. You have to let go of the old grief, the problems you've allowed to hold you back all of these years. You have to find balance and direction in your life, or what I like to call, shake your tail feathers. That's the only way you can get where you want to go without crashing and burning.

If you think about it, flying is the perfect metaphor for reaching for your dreams. Because it describes all the things you really have to do to get from here (ground-level) to there (the stars).

So I guess I'm going to have to lighten up and learn how to steer if I want to get anywhere. Maybe I can make my dream come true and really learn how to fly.

Going Forward

So, I failed. And today was just as hard as the days before. So what? I'm not doing those days over again, I'm starting a whole new day each and every morning I'm alive.

There's no point in staring at the past. The past is unchanging. We can glimpse back at it every once in a while and enjoy the stories, but we can't get lost in it. Because that's not the direction we're heading. We're going forward.

And forward means progress. Forward means change. Change of scenery, change of direction, change of heart. All of this is what lies ahead, not behind.

I guess I need to keep my eyes glued to the horizon, then. Because tomorrow is a whole new day of opportunity!

Meeting Expectations

I read a blog post today entitled You Can't Be Anything If You Put Your Mind To It today. At first, I hated it. The author tells you, straight up, you have to accept that you can't be the richest, most athletic person in the world. The only thing you can be...is you.

I found it very demoralizing. But I let it percolate in my mind anyway. All because of some advice I gave someone recently.

I told my friend this: You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you can't take their advice, but you do owe yourself a chance at taking it.

So I took my own advice and thought about what this author said. And I think I finally got his point, though I still disagree with how he delivered it.

Being a billionaire, being an Olympic athlete, being on the NFL, none of those things are really about being you. They are external, not internal. Those things are things people strive to attain because other people told them it was something desirable.

You can play football without being on the NFL, and love it. You can do any of the Olympic sports without competing in the Olympics, and love it. You can be financially stable and not be a billionaire, and love it. Those things are attached to a need to show the world that you have MADE IT. That you are accomplished and great and important.

When, if you truly were any of those things, you wouldn't need to show it to the world at all.

And, if I'm being perfectly honest, I have driven myself to succeed and show everyone I'm something incredible my entire life. Not because I need to be a famous writer or need money or things. But because I want to prove all the people who doubted me as a child wrong. I want to show the world I'm worth something, because there have been far too many people who have tried to tell me I'm worth nothing.

I'm also driven by an internal need to write and share my stories. And that internal need has driven me to succeed far more than my need to prove something to the world. By seeking to be myself, I have gone much further than if I'd concentrated on the need to prove others wrong.

Internal motivation works much better than external motivation, in other words. And it turns out the author of that blog post was quite right. I completely disagree with how he states it, but his point is valid. We should not strive to be what other people have told us is right. We should strive to be what we want to be, inside, the person that is the truest form of ourselves.

So, if anyone else out there is striving to meet expectations of others, even indirectly, maybe you should read that blog post, too. You never know, it might open your mind, just as it did mine.

A Writer's Soul

I sometimes seem to forget why I'm making this change. And when I realized that today, it made me realize something else as well. I have spent so much of my time both on and off this blog talking about these changes I'm making that I've forgotten to mention the why of it all.

A serious oversight, to be sure.

Why am I doing all of this? Because I'm a writer. It isn't my occupation, it isn't my hobby. It isn't just my passion. It's my life, who and what I am. Writing has defined my entire existence. Not just the act of writing, putting words on the paper, but the act of creating. Creating worlds, characters, stories. I've done that since I was a very small child. And I can't imagine a life without it.

That's why I'm doing all of this work. That's why I'm here. I want to be an incredible author. I want people to read my work for generations. Not because I'm egotistical. I may want to be special (who doesn't?), but I've had this driving need to share my worlds and stories with people since before I understood what money and fame were. I need people to see what I see. I need to give them a glimpse into my mind.

I've struggled to share my world inside my head since I was a kid. And other people never seemed to get it quite to the degree I needed them to. At first, I wrote it off as impossible to communicate, but still I itched to share.

And then I decided to do something about it. I worked on my writing, trying to share once again.

It didn't work out that well.

My work was creative and vivid and incredible. But the writing just wasn't good enough to communicate what I wanted to communicate to other people. Nor had I learned how to create a complete story from the random ideas and worlds that were in my head.

In short, it sucked. But it had potential.

My writing has improved since then. Not enough, still, but I continue to get better all the time. I've learned to piece together stories from the pictures in my head. Stories other people can see and understand almost as well as I can.

It's the writing I need to improve. I'm good with words, but I'm not great. And I need to be great. That's the only way I'll be able to truly communicate my worlds. It's the only method I have to share it all.

And sharing my worlds is my reason for being. I've known it my entire life. That's why I'm doing all of this. Because I have to share my worlds with everyone, or I'll have failed to fulfill my purpose.

If you can't tell yet, I don't like to fail.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Stayed on my diet today.
6. Fixed my lunch and cooked my breakfast.

Good Data

So I've had another bad day. One of those days where I simply want to go home and go to bed, and not do any of my work or exercise. One of those days where I seem to fail at every turn.

But I'm not sad this time. I'm not even a little discouraged. Because I learned a few things today.

First, I still have trouble saying no, especially to foods I have always loved that someone else will give me for free...even if it isn't on my diet. Second, that my entire week is defined by my 2 days off work. If I accomplish a lot and feel good about myself on my days off, I'll do better that week because I feel more motivated by my success. If I don't accomplish much of anything at all in those 2 days, I'm going to struggle and fail all week.

It's kind of strange to think that just 2 days can change the outcome of 5 more of them, but there you have it. So, I'm going to have to try extra hard this coming break to make sure I accomplish something.

And that's what you call turning a bad day into good data. Life is an experiment and chances are you won't get things right the first time you try them. So keep trying.

I know I will.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, kept on my budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Did NOT keep on my diet.
6. Cooked my lunch and fixed my lunch.
7. Drew today.

Determined To Succeed

I finished reading Talent Is Overrated today. It was truly a great book. And I think I am the richer for having read it.

One point has really stuck with me, though. It was on the last few pages of the book, just about at the end, when the author said that many people who have achieved great things have little to no social life and very few hobbies. The author points out that it takes great determination and need to be willing to forgo relationships and fun to achieve your dreams. He even goes on to question how big something would have to be to make you feel the same way.

And I asked myself that question today. Over and over again, I asked it. I've long held the dream of having it all. I wanted to live my dream life, have my dream career, and have a family. And I wanted to be GREAT at it all.

But I'm not Superwoman. I can't do everything. I'm going to have to make some choices. And it all comes back to what I want more than anything from my life. The answer to that question didn't take but a moment for me to think up.

I want to be a writer.

And not just any writer. I want to be a world-reknowned author. I want to be one of the greatest writers to have ever lived. I want to share my worlds, my characters, my stories with generations of people. I want it so bad that it actually hurts.

If push comes to shove, I'm willing to forgo a social life and hobbies to achieve this dream. This dream is more important to me than pretty much anything else.

And I will succeed. There isn't another option anymore.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Stayed on my diet. :D
6. Cooked my lunch and dinner, and fixed the rest.

Had A Bad Day

I don't really feel like posting tonight, but I don't believe in letting anything, not even a really bad day, hold me back from reaching for my goals anymore.

But I have had a terrible day.

It started with a really bad fight with my mom. I almost had to move out, it got so bad. But I'm still here, and I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon.

I think that was the main cause of the bad day, though. The rest was just having a LOT to do at work today, too many people everywhere I looked, the library was closed an hour before I got there, and the fair in town is closed after I get off work each night and closed on both of my days off for the next 2 weeks.

It just seemed to be one thing after another for me. And now I'm just exhausted, both mentally and physically. I want to go to sleep and wake up to a new day, one with a thousand possibilities.

In case the universe was wondering, I'd like one of those possibilities to be me winning $10,000. Thanks. :D

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today. Jogging day #3.
2. Wrote in my journal, kept on budget, and wrote a poem.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed.
5. Broke my diet and ate some chocolate.
6. Cooked some chicken for the entire week and fixed my lunch up.

10 Reasons to Exercise

We all know we should exercise. But why should we exercise? Knowing that, and keeping it in mind each day when it's time to sweat through your clothes, makes you that much more likely to do it.

1.) Exercise combats health conditions and diseases.

If there was a pill we could take that could magically reduce our risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases, stroke, metabolic syndrome, depression, certain types of cancers, arthritis, and falls, we'd all take it, right? Well, that pill exists. It just isn't a pill. All it takes is a little exercise each day to prevent major health conditions that could permanently alter your world as you know it.

Isn't that worth a little sweat and burn?

2.) Exercise improves mood.

Exercise sends off all those nice endorphins in the brain, making you feel good. Plus, regular exercise has been shown to improve your self-image and confidence.

Having troubles with self-esteem? Maybe you should just take a walk...every day for a month. See how you feel.

3.) Exercise boosts energy.

This one is a deal-breaker for me. I have struggled with meeting goals and making things happen in my life for years. Exercise has helped me push through on my goals and start making things happen in my life.

It's really no mystery. Regular physical activity delivers oxygen and nutrients to your tissues and helps your cardiovascular system work more efficiently. If your heart and lungs work more efficiently, you're going to have more energy for the other activities in your day.

4.) Exercise promotes better sleep.

As long as you don't exercise too close to sleep, you'll find that you'll fall asleep faster and sleep deeper if you exercise often. And of course, the more deep sleep you get, the more energy you'll have the next day.

Deeper sleep has also been shown to combat health problems. Want better health overall? Exercise is the magic pill!

You just have to take it.

5.) Exercise controls weight.

Well, most of us know that. But have you ever REALLY thought about it? Each day, you ingest copious amounts of fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates, as well as a host of other chemical compounds. And you have to do that, just to survive. But what happens if you do nothing to offset this intake? If you take in more than you work off, you're going to gain weight until you're the size of a whale.

Or just dead.

But regular exercise means that you're subtracting as much (or more) as you're adding in. It's simple math. If you want to change your size, you have to make the numbers work in your favor. Exercise is the only reasonable means you have of subtracting more than you take in. There is no other way (diet is reducing the amount you add; but it doesn't really subtract anything).

6.) Exercise makes you smarter.

Or, at least, it makes you more capable of applying your intelligence. Studies have shown people who exercise are more able to focus, are faster at reacting to problems, have better memories, and better cognitive function in general. 

So, exercise really is a no-brainer.

7.) Exercise reduces stress.

Had a hard day at work? Try a quick run. A little exercise can help you unwind from that confrontation you had with a coworker or the mean customer you faced today.

And everyone knows that stress today is killing us. The more you reduce your stress, the better you're going to feel.

8.) Exercise improves your sex life.

Well, of course. Sex is a physical effort in and of itself. So improving your, erm, performance will improve your sex life. Not to mention, self-esteem and confidence are great at improving anyone's sex life, and we've already mentioned how exercise improves you there!

But there's more to it than that. According to MayoClinic.com, regular exercise leads to enhanced arousal in women. And men who exercise are less likely to have problems like erectile dysfunction. (Check out the article here) 

9.) Exercise keeps your bones strong.

As you get older, osteoporosis is a real danger. You could lose the ability to run, walk, even stand! But with a little exercise each day, you could keep all of that from happening, increasing your chances of independence into your old age.

And how many of us actually want to live in a retirement home if we can help it?

10.) Exercise is actually fun!

It's true! Exercise can be a source of enjoyment in and of itself. And not just for health nuts (no offense). So-called "normal" people can enjoy exercise, too. 

The key is finding an exercise you actually like doing. Swimming, kayaking, skiing, there are a lot of options out there. And anything that gets you moving is worth it. Heck, they even have Wii games that get you going, if you don't want to experience the real thing. Just find something that fits your likes and dislikes, and get going! You might be surprised by how much you like it (I certainly have been).


Does anyone else have any other reasons to exercise? What motivators have you found that work for you?

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on blog.
4. Made bed, picked up in my room, and organized my desk.

Clean House, Clean Mind

I've lived in a messy house my whole life. Not dirty, but definitely messy. Organization has never been a thing I, or my mother, have been good at. She continuously tried to teach me to be organized and clean more my entire life, but none of it seemed to stick. I dreaded cleaning, hated organizing, and didn't want anything to do with any of it.

Turns out, she was right.

Organization is key towards success. You can't succeed without getting your life and world a little organized. There is such a thing as being overly organized, but judging by my past, I think it'll be a long time before I reach such a point. Right now, I'm just trying to get a little bit.

So, towards that goal, I cleaned my room. Really well. And I've kept it that way. For almost 2 months. You have no idea how incredible an accomplishment that is for me. Until now, I think the longest period of time that my room has stayed this clean is maybe a week. And that usually meant someone else was either cleaning it or making me clean it.

I've also made a lot of cleaning projects a major priority in my life. Despite the fact I hate doing them.

How organized are you? Do you keep your environment organized, or does someone help (or even do it for you)? What methods of organization have you found to work?

I'd appreciate any suggestions anyone has. This is one subject I know very little about.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Did not exercise or stretch, but meditated and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, mostly stayed on budget ($7 over on credit card payment), and wrote a poem.
3. Posted on blog.
4. Made my bed and picked up around room.

The Lesson of Goldilocks

Many of us have heard the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. It's a common children's tale retold for countless generations.

I never really gave the story much thought, though. The only moral I ever got from the story was that you shouldn't break and enter into someone else's home, and that Goldilocks was awfully picky.

Turns out, though, that Goldilocks was one smart gal (minus the whole breaking and entering thing). She wasn't picky; she had an innate sense of proportion. And I have recently been convinced that this sense of proportion is something all of us should cultivate in ourselves, as well.

Just because I read one book: Drive (If you'd like to discover more about this quite enlightening book on motivation, click here).

In that book, Pink (the author) talks about something he calls 'Goldilocks tasks'. These are tasks that are not too much for a person to accomplish, creating stress, nor too little, creating boredom, but are just right in the time allowed.

I loved that term. And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that Pink was on to something.

And not just for tasks. This lesson could be used in all aspects of life. Because the true lesson of Goldilocks, the one I missed all along, is balance.

Goldilocks knew what was too hot for her to handle. She knew what was too cold for her to digest. And she knew where the perfect balance between those two extremes lay. More than that, she acted on that knowledge.

And the more I looked at the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the more I saw that impressed me. On top of everything else, this simple children's tale points out a common misconception we all seem to have in our perception of balance: the right balance is different for each individual. Papa bear fit in the big chair just fine. Baby bear fit in his cute, little chair perfectly. But Goldilocks didn't fit right in either one.

The same is true about other things. What is a good boundary or point of view for someone else, may not hold true for you. Massive changes may not work for you; taking it too slow may kill your progress. More than likely, your balance will lie somewhere in between a rapid change and a slow, progressive change. And that's okay. As long as it works for you.

I've experimented with how to change most of my life. And this plan right here is working for me better than anything else ever has. But the balance I've forged may not work for you. The best way to find your own balance in your change is to be like Goldilocks and try each method on for size.

I might be alone in never realizing the true lessons of Goldilocks before now. But each of us could use her innate sense of proportion in our lives.

At least, I sure could.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, went $17 over budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on blog.
4. Made bed, did laundry, folded laundry and put it away, and picked up floor in room.

Pursuing Passion

I'm pretty lucky. I've known what my passion was most of my life. Sure, I've wanted to learn everything else and then some, but there is one thing I've never been able to stop myself from doing:

Writing.

Creating worlds, characters, and stories has fascinated me since I was a very little girl. I've pretty much known I wanted to be a writer since I was 5 years old, in fact. And my passion for it has only grown with time. Today, I can say without any doubt, writing is the one thing I wish to do every day for the rest of my life. 

To be honest, all the rest of my life-changing goals are centered around this one. I want to be an author, published and known. Maybe even famous. (If I'm completely honest, I really want to be famous. To know that that many people have read my stories, walked in my worlds? That would be a dream come true for me.) But my life can't be completely about writing. I want a few other projects in my life someday, such as gardening and beekeeping. But writing is the main focus I want in my life.

If someone was to someday write a sentence summarizing my life, this is what I want it to say:

She was an incredible writer, inviting people around the world to walk inside her worlds and meet her imaginary friends, sharing in the beauty and friendship themselves.

I've found that pursuing this passion of mine has redefined my life in some way I can't articulate (which is a funny thing for a writer to say). I feel happier. More fulfilled. Less burned out by life and pain. More tolerant. Just better.

Maybe that's the meditation. Or exercise. Or the positive thinking. But, then, I only started those things because I wanted to benefit my writing, in essence, enrich my passion. And it has. Beyond my wildest dreams.

What's your passion? How much of your day do you spend pursuing it? I'm sure you don't have the time in this busy world of ours. Nor the money. Nor the skills. Well, neither do I. That's why I'm doing this. So I can acquire those things and pursue my passion for the rest of my life. Is there a way you can bring more passion into your life?

Think on it. Because if this experience is teaching me anything, it's this: Passion can truly change your life, pushing you to do things you never thought possible. Its power is as unending as its rewards...

If you have the guts to pursue it.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal, stayed on budget, and wrote a poem today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Made my bed and picked up in room.

An Object in Motion

An object in motion stays in motion. But an object at rest, stays at rest.

You may recognize Newton's first law of motion, also known as the law of inertia. Why am I mentioning it here?

Because this blog is all about changing your life. And the only way you can change your life is if you have the energy and ability to achieve your goals. Exercise is your body in motion. Once it begins to move, it'll continue moving and you'll lead a productive day.

You stay at rest, sitting in front of your television set or computer screen, however, and that's where you'll stay. Stuck. For the rest of your life.

A chilling thought, don't you think?

I exercise, not for the body I hope it gives me. Not for the desire to lose weight. I do it for my health. I do it for my goals. I do it to become a stronger person who can achieve anything. 

I do it to stay in motion.

Daily Stats:

1.  Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote in journal and did NOT stay on budget.
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Picked up in room, cleaned out purse, and threw away trash on bed.

Meet The Woman I Want To Be

I want to be a calm, happy, intelligent woman who writes. I want to feel good about myself and my life. I want to be happy with my vocation, happy with my hobbies, and happy with my choices. And I want to be healthy and motivated, able to do anything and everything I set my mind to.

And I want to become that person, that ideal, by the age of 30.

Here's a more detailed, vivid picture of who I want to be by the time I'm 30:

• A published writer.
• A healthy woman NOT on medication for diabetes, heart disease, etc.
• In a stable, enjoyable vocation.
• Taking regular classes in different subjects, just for the sake of learning.
• A seasoned traveler who's been to Africa, South America, India, and toured Europe.
• Living a green, self-sufficient lifestyle.
• Debt free.
• HAPPY!

I do not want to be any of these things when I'm 30 years old:

• Still working at Walmart.
• A procrastinator.
• A person with a list of nothing but unfinished projects.
• Still not green or self-sufficient.
• Knee deep in debt.
• Stuck in the same dead-end cycle of life.

 It's a tall order to fill in just 7 years. But I can do it, if I just take it one day, one step, at a time. Because that's who I want to be someday.

And I will be her. That transformation has already begun. If I never give up, never give in to self-doubt or immediate gratification, then that person is who I will be.

That's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm here.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal and stayed on budget.
3. Posted another post on my blog.
4. Picked up in room, did laundry, and did a load of dishes.

Meet The Woman I Am

I am 23 years old. Too young to be respected, and yet too old to be given allowances. But in respects to change, I feel like a small child who has finally been given the means of how to walk.

I've lived my life believing that I had no 'drive'. No motivation. I was a calm and good person, whatever that means, but I wasn't competitive and I didn't strive to reach goals for myself. If someone put a small goal in front of me, I reached it and then laid in wait, like a wind-up doll, doing nothing of any import until someone else decided to come along and give me another goal to attempt to strive for.

I have always believed that I could not set my own goals and achieve them. I've tried despite this from time to time, determined to change.

And then I would fail, reinforcing my belief that I couldn't do it for myself. I needed someone else to make me do it.

Schools, jobs, parents, all of them teach you this through the use of the carrot and the stick approach. If you do what they want, you're rewarded. If you deviate from that path, you're punished. In small regards, this is healthy. It's a normal means of controlling a society and also a strong motivator. Taken to extremes, however, it can be addicting and have a negative impact on your personal growth.

And this is what I've become.

I am 23 years old. I've still never done more than a first draft of a book, never learned a second language, never raised my own vegetables, never traveled to Europe or South America or Africa. And I'm afraid that those things won't change over the next 7 years.

Because they won't. Not if I don't change today.

Daily Stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal and successfully stayed on budget. Even made up for my spendthrift ways yesterday and the day before. :)
3. Posted on my blog.
4. Picked up in room a little and in den.

Change Anything

In my last post, I talked about focus. Well, this post is all about our means of directing your focus. The best part? The same methods used against you to alter your focus to immediate gratification may be used to direct your attention towards the ultimate goal you truly want to attain in your life.

I actually discovered them in the book entitled Change Anything, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.

According to this book, there are six sources of motivation (which I believe is more about focus than anything) and they are: personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation, social ability, structural motivation, and structural ability.

What do these mean? Well, I'll walk you through them one by one, and tell you how I'm using each one of these motivating factors in my life.

The first is personal motivation. You have to connect with the overall goal in your crucial moments (that is, when you're about to give into temptation) and focus on what you want for your future rather than what you want right now. I implement this motivating factor with abstract thinking. I keep my goal and ultimate desire (to be a healthy, happy, and successful writer someday) in the forefront of my mind as much as I possibly can. Then, it's easy to pull up to the front of my mind when I want to remember not to be tempted.

I also make it more specific. I want to be a prolific, self-employed writer who doesn't have to rely on secular work to pay the bills. I want to be self-sufficient, always learning, and have finished my main project's books by the age of 30. Keeping this vision vivid gives me more to draw from when I'm tempted to stray.

The second is personal ability. This refers to the skills you need to tackle the task at hand. Chances are your life before now hasn't prepared you for the new life you wish to take on (mine certainly hasn't). So, you must learn new skills to pull from and use to reach your goal.

I'm learning all kinds of new skills to help me with my goals. Exercise, meditation, organization, budgeting. The list goes on and on. The important factor is that you learn them so that you have a bigger chance of success at whatever you're working towards.

The third is social motivation. We are who we hang out with. Our mothers told us this when we were kids, but we refused to believe her. But it's true! What you see as the norm (as in, who you associate with) is what you view as the desired goal for yourself. So, if you hang out with people who complain a lot, you'll find that you do, too.

You'll also find the reverse is true. If you're around positive, peppy people, you'll feel more positive and happy.

The fourth is social ability. This means that change is a difficult thing to do on one's own. Humans are social animals and we like to do things in a group. If you have support, encouragement, and guidance from those around you, you're far more likely to succeed.

I'm implementing the third and the fourth of these motivators by talking with my existing friends about my changes and starting this blog in hopes of meeting those with similar goals.

The fifth is structural motivation. If you link short-term rewards and punishments to your changes, you'll be far more likely to succeed. I implemented this by allowing myself to get that game I've been wanting only after I had kept to my routine for half a month. I also don't allow myself to eat out at a higher priced restaurant until I've managed to keep below budget the rest of the week.

The sixth and final motivator on the list is structural ability. This has more to do with your environment. What are the things in your life influencing you to do? If you have a tv at the center of your room with all the surrounding materials based upon it, you're not going to get much else but watching tv done. However, studies have shown that the closer your treadmill is to your television set, the more exercising you'll get done.

I implemented this motivator by organizing my room and, most importantly, straightening my desk so that my writing has plenty of space to be laid out there. It makes it much more inviting and tempting to sit down and get to work. I also cleared out my floor so that I had plenty of room to work out there.

If you'd like to see the scientific studies the researchers did that lead them to these conclusions, check out this book at amazon.com or your local library.

Daily Stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in my journal and did NOT stay on budget again today.
3. Posted on my blog.
4.  Picked up in my room a little.

Struggling to Tread Water

I feel so exhausted this week. I've done most all I've set out to do, and worked a 6 day, 40 hour week (unusual for me) at the same time. Not to mention, I've put in a lot of early mornings. Which means I've had very little sleep this week.

Shouldn't be a big deal, right? It probably wouldn't be, but I have lupus. And this missing sleep thing has caused repeated fevers, extreme pain, and other health problems. It's really frustrating when it feels as if you're own body has turned against you. How do you fight yourself?

I know I can't. But I have to try to struggle with it just enough to get some of my goals done. Win a few battles, and then wave the white flag in defeat against the tide.

I keep reminding myself that if I can keep this schedule up through this, I can keep it up through anything. This is a challenge, one I'm determined to win. I repeatedly drag the big picture into the forefront of my mind and look at it, reminding myself WHY I'm doing all this. I want to be a successful writer. I want to be happy. And I can achieve that, if I just stick to my goals.

But sometimes it feels as though the illness is stronger than I am. I worry that I'll give in to the weakness.

I don't want to be weak anymore.

I wish I had someone to share this with. Someone to tell me just a little further and you'll be over this hump. Just a little more and you'll win the war.

Oh, well. Guess I'll just have to tread water on my own until I find myself a swimming buddy.

Daily stats:

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on my writing twice today.
2. Wrote in journal and worked on budget.
3. Wrote in blog
4. Picked up room

My Motivation

I never thought about motivation before I read this quote. It hit me hard. I had always thought how I lacked motivation and drive, because I didn't strive for my goals the way people said I should if I did have those things. Obviously, I was just born lacking them.

But motivation isn't something you're born with. And it isn't something you can just acquire and use to change your life.

It's something you have to make for yourself. And then remake it. And remake it again. Remake it over and over and over again, every day, for the rest of your life. As the quote says, it's like bathing. Without a shower, we'd all start to stink to high heaven. Well, without a daily dose of motivation, we'd all lay around doing nothing of any import. Until we starved to death, that is.

Some motivations are so hard-wired into us, that they DO come naturally. I think that's because if we didn't have motivation to get up and eat, drink, or have sex, we really would just lay down and die.

But if your goals go beyond your basic needs for survival, those hard-wired motivations will do little to help you achieve them. If you want to motivate yourself towards that, you must work out your own motivation and concentrate time and thought on it daily. Place reminders of it throughout your home and especially in areas where you find yourself most tempted to stray from your goals.

I love sticky notes for this. I have them on my door, tv, mirror, and dresser. Pretty much scattered throughout the room. And every time I look at one of those things, I'm reminded about my goals and why I want to achieve them.

Wanna know my motivation? Honestly, I've always WANTED to be a writer. I've dreamed and dreamed about getting published, living a happy, healthy life that made other people who had looked down on me see what I was truly made of, and escaping the life I live now. But I never seemed to be able to change my dream into a reality.

Until I met a boy. I trusted him. I loved him. And he crushed my heart like a tin can. It drove me into one of the deepest, darkest depressions of my life. For one entire month, it seemed all I did was sit in front of the tv and veg out. Or snap at my parents. Or go to work and struggle with dealing with my customers with a smile.

I got madder and madder about all of this. I had long ago determined I would never grow so dependent on another person that I would be lost without them. I could miss them, want them back, and even cry a little. But I could never allow my life to end because of them.

And, for all intents and purposes, I had done just that. I'd let myself become so depressed that my life seemed dark and terrible.

So, I came up with a plan. First, I was angry with the boy. I wanted to prove I was good enough for him or anyone else I wanted. Which lead me to my decision to follow my dreams again and pursue my writing.

But I'd tried that path before, many times, and failed. Over and over and over again, I failed. What would make this time any different?

Well, I couldn't stay where I was. Not without hating myself forever for giving in to the dark feelings and letting that stupid boy have that much power over me. Nuh-uh. Not me. I was going to get out of this depression, pursue my passion, and prove once and for all I had the stuff to be successful.

So, I did some research. Turns out, regular exercise, daily meditation, a healthy diet, and an organized environment were all contributing factors towards successful goal achieving. Everything said to start slow, and while I wanted to follow the advice, my gut said that if I didn't apply all those changes now, I wouldn't stick with my plan long enough for the slow build-up to work.

And that's my motivation, folks. Because I want to be a strong, independent, and successful woman who doesn't give in when depression and bad circumstances hit her. I want to be the me I always dreamed of. I want to be happy, with or without another person to lean on.

I continue on each day, because I found that the journey I planned out towards happiness, has made me happier than I ever thought possible. It dug me out of a bad depression and gave me the will to survive and thrive once again.

That is, after all, the power of motivation.

Daily stats:

 

1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote a journal entry and worked on budget
3. Wrote and posted my blog entry
4. Picked up room and folded and put away laundry.