So I have missed 2 blog posts in a row. I should feel bad, because this is basically me holding onto my life change by my fingernails. But I'm still holding onto it by my fingernails!
And that makes me feel pretty damn good.
I mean, I haven't given up. I could use what happened as an excuse to quit, to say it isn't going to work this time and move on, and who would blame me? But I'm not doing that. I want this too bad to give up. I won't let anyone steal this from me.
I can and I will get back up and make it work. I can be strong.
But I'm also going to have to be realistic. I can't go back to a strict regimen and routine and expect myself to just jump into it full-fledged ahead. I don't have it in me right now. And that's okay.
I just need to do something. Anything. I need to get back up and try again. I need to give this a chance to work, because I know it can. And I'm going to need all the help I can get to do that.
I want to thank everyone for their very supportive comments. And when I have a little more socialization in me again, I'm going to go back through and reply to them all. But I want you to know I've read them and truly appreciate your kindness. And that what you've said has meant something to me. I may be holding on by my fingernails, but I'm pretty sure you guys are what those fingernails are holding onto.
I apologize for the scratches.
Glad to hear that you're clinging on. I know it sounds cliched Kyla but that's sometimes when you actually achieve things the most, when you're backed into a corner and instead of giving up like a coward (which you aren't), you fight your way out. Personally I don't think that you're weak at all though in general, you've been through so much and nothing will discredit that strength that you have shown in your life, don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your support. Your comments have truly been some of the sweetest ones I've received and I thank you for them.
DeleteI have been through a lot. And that lot has taught me more than most people ever get a chance to see. Suffering, while terrible, is also food for the soul. It opens up thoughts and understanding in a way that simply cruising through life never could.
I hope that your suffering has taught you some equally helpful lessons. Not because I want you to suffer. But because everyone does. Might as well use it to become a better person if you have to endure it anyway, right?
I agree with your philosophy here. I have learned that if you just keep pushing yourself when you have hit a wall, eventually you have an even bigger break down. In America we are pretty much preached at from birth to just keep working your ass off no matter what. This doesn't work. We all need to take a break once in awhile, so that we can hopefully live to fight another day.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty straight-forward. Survival mode kicks in, and thriving is no longer priority. Simply living another day is top priority. Not whether or not that other day has a 60 inch television or a hot boyfriend. You just hope you wake up.
DeleteAnd you're right about American attitudes towards work. Push, push, push until you fall apart. And then they point and stare because you were too weak to keep it all together. The really stupid part about it is that simply pushing forward doesn't get you anywhere. You can keep walking through the Sahara Desert, but it doesn't do you much good if you're just going in circles.
Smart choices count more than tenacious ones. The best times of your life, though, are when you can both make a smart choice and keep pushing your way through the obstacles that block the way.
That is when you're truly unstoppable.
Thanks for the great comment! And for stopping by, I appreciate it.