Back when I was reading everything I could get my hands on about change, I remember I would cringe every time it got to the part about relationships. Each one said the same thing: You need to surround yourself with people who are supportive of your change and who emulate such an example in their own lives, if you really want to make an effective change in your life.
These are called healthy relationships.
And I encourage such relationships in my daily life. I'm quite good at finding and continuing them. I make friends with people on here and at work who help me stay on track with how I want my life to be like.
Unfortunately, I know that the 2 most influential people in my life DON'T support me. In fact, you could say they do everything in their power to stop me.
These people are known as my parents.
Not because they don't love me. It's not even envy. In part, I think it is a subconscious desire to keep me young and dependent on them for everything. Also, I've had a pretty rough life, and they've been along for that ride. They are terrified that I'm going to get hurt even worse and want to "protect" me from the world.
Getting raped did not help matters. I admit, I need to learn a lesson from what happened in how to handle men and dating in the future. I do not agree with the concept that I should give up on going out with my friends at night because (and here I quote) nothing good can come from being out late at night.
Allow me to insert the fact that I'm 23 years old in here.
I understand my parents' need to protect me. I understand that they want me to stay safe. But I refuse to quit living because someone decided to make me a victim again. I've allowed my fear of living to hold me back from too many things in life, and it's not going to happen again. I can't go back to that sad, little depressed soul who barely left the house. I just can't.
My mom and step-dad have fed into my depression for years. I don't think they are even aware of doing it. But they've kept me wrapped up in them and myself for as long as I can remember, encouraging self-destructive behavior that I now realize should have been stomped out long ago.
I can't let that continue. Even though it has harmed my relationship with my parents, I want to be a better person and I determined at the start of this that I would do whatever I had to to place my relationship with them on a more healthy footing. For all our sakes.
The current situation has set me back quite a bit, however. I don't know how I'm going to set my family life back on track, but I'm going to take a guess and say it will be a rough ride.
Here's hoping I can hold on.
I can see where your parents are coming from and it's good that you can too. That way you can help get across better where you're coming from, and help them see that you aren't that scared little girl that needs protecting from everything anymore. Parents have this annoying thing where they always think they're right. The problem with this is they usually actually are, and have a hard time seeing when they aren't.
ReplyDeleteMy parents are complicated. They love me more than anything in the world, and I know that is genuine. They are also very destructive and abusive, and I know that that is crazy. But I love them, too, so it becomes a big mess.
DeleteMy mom and I have an extra complicated relationship. We've been close friends and helpmates most of my life. However, when she loses her mind, I'm the one that bears the brunt of that. And she can't handle any kind of criticism, so you just have to put up with it and move on.
I was also kidnapped and molested as a small child (2-3 years old), so I can see why she wants to keep me dependent on her and "safe" from the world. But I have to grow out of the scared little girl sometime.
Thanks for the comment and the very kind comment, Mark. I appreciate it!
I understand why you feel like your parents have had a toxic influence on your life Kyla because I have had a tumultuous relationship with my father and it's hurtful because your parents are supposed to be what moulds us into what we are to an extent. Hopefully you find a way to fix things, I've been blogging about something similar and the only option I seem to have right now is to move out.
ReplyDeleteThey do shape us. But we aren't cast in the fire yet, so we can mold ourselves into something else, if we like. It's harder to work with something that's already been shaped into something else than it is with fresh clay, but you can still do it.
DeleteI hope your home life gets better and/or you do get out. I wish you all the luck in the world!