Thursday, March 14, 2013

My Motivation

I never thought about motivation before I read this quote. It hit me hard. I had always thought how I lacked motivation and drive, because I didn't strive for my goals the way people said I should if I did have those things. Obviously, I was just born lacking them.

But motivation isn't something you're born with. And it isn't something you can just acquire and use to change your life.

It's something you have to make for yourself. And then remake it. And remake it again. Remake it over and over and over again, every day, for the rest of your life. As the quote says, it's like bathing. Without a shower, we'd all start to stink to high heaven. Well, without a daily dose of motivation, we'd all lay around doing nothing of any import. Until we starved to death, that is.

Some motivations are so hard-wired into us, that they DO come naturally. I think that's because if we didn't have motivation to get up and eat, drink, or have sex, we really would just lay down and die.

But if your goals go beyond your basic needs for survival, those hard-wired motivations will do little to help you achieve them. If you want to motivate yourself towards that, you must work out your own motivation and concentrate time and thought on it daily. Place reminders of it throughout your home and especially in areas where you find yourself most tempted to stray from your goals.

I love sticky notes for this. I have them on my door, tv, mirror, and dresser. Pretty much scattered throughout the room. And every time I look at one of those things, I'm reminded about my goals and why I want to achieve them.

Wanna know my motivation? Honestly, I've always WANTED to be a writer. I've dreamed and dreamed about getting published, living a happy, healthy life that made other people who had looked down on me see what I was truly made of, and escaping the life I live now. But I never seemed to be able to change my dream into a reality.

Until I met a boy. I trusted him. I loved him. And he crushed my heart like a tin can. It drove me into one of the deepest, darkest depressions of my life. For one entire month, it seemed all I did was sit in front of the tv and veg out. Or snap at my parents. Or go to work and struggle with dealing with my customers with a smile.

I got madder and madder about all of this. I had long ago determined I would never grow so dependent on another person that I would be lost without them. I could miss them, want them back, and even cry a little. But I could never allow my life to end because of them.

And, for all intents and purposes, I had done just that. I'd let myself become so depressed that my life seemed dark and terrible.

So, I came up with a plan. First, I was angry with the boy. I wanted to prove I was good enough for him or anyone else I wanted. Which lead me to my decision to follow my dreams again and pursue my writing.

But I'd tried that path before, many times, and failed. Over and over and over again, I failed. What would make this time any different?

Well, I couldn't stay where I was. Not without hating myself forever for giving in to the dark feelings and letting that stupid boy have that much power over me. Nuh-uh. Not me. I was going to get out of this depression, pursue my passion, and prove once and for all I had the stuff to be successful.

So, I did some research. Turns out, regular exercise, daily meditation, a healthy diet, and an organized environment were all contributing factors towards successful goal achieving. Everything said to start slow, and while I wanted to follow the advice, my gut said that if I didn't apply all those changes now, I wouldn't stick with my plan long enough for the slow build-up to work.

And that's my motivation, folks. Because I want to be a strong, independent, and successful woman who doesn't give in when depression and bad circumstances hit her. I want to be the me I always dreamed of. I want to be happy, with or without another person to lean on.

I continue on each day, because I found that the journey I planned out towards happiness, has made me happier than I ever thought possible. It dug me out of a bad depression and gave me the will to survive and thrive once again.

That is, after all, the power of motivation.

Daily stats:


1. Exercised, stretched, meditated, and worked on writing twice today.
2. Wrote a journal entry and worked on budget
3. Wrote and posted my blog entry
4. Picked up room and folded and put away laundry.

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