Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Victim No More

I've lost sight of my goals and my desires so many times. And far too often I blame the things that happen to me. Of course, those things do effect me. But they effect my mind, and that is the true ruling factor of my life.

I have been a victim of my mind my whole life. I've let it lead me away from the things I truly want. I've let it deviate my course, cut me down right when I begin to see the beauty of success, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Such strange creatures we are. A bag of chemicals and electrical impulses sharing space with this strange thing we call consciousness. And yet, our consciousness has such limited control over those chemicals and electrical impulses. They do what they were made to do, and sometimes that is much to our detriment. Consciously, we see what we want and do what we can to get it. But our minds, they are such fickle things. I often wonder: of what use is consciousness, if we do not even understand what we are trying to control?

But I digress. The point is, our own minds are usually our greatest enemy when it comes to the quests of the soul. I want to be and do so many things. But my mind and body keep getting in the way. Is there a way to bring these two things into balance? A way to synchronize what I want with what I have?

I'm determined to try. Dear readers, if you're still out there, reading this, I want you to know: I haven't given up. My vision of how to get where I want to be has changed quite a lot since I last posted here. Even some of the idea of WHAT I want has changed. But I'm still here, working away, trying to change, and make myself into a better person.

I'm only human, and that's something I'm going to have to come to terms with. But, somehow, my conscious mind is going to make this bag of chemicals and electrical impulses follow this quest to the end. It may be a twisted path, but I am determined to walk it.